


You Hold Me Without Touch

by saucyminx



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-16
Updated: 2010-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-28 11:29:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 34,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/307418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saucyminx/pseuds/saucyminx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jared has had feelings for Jensen since Season 01 - Jensen is about as straight as they come. Things get complicated between them when Jared starts dating Jensen’s old friend and cast mate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time - Jared would have just sneaked into Jensen's trailer and shaken the cans of beer in his fridge, or taken the laces out of all of his shoe and boots. It was funny how motivation could change over time. At first it had all been about the joke - but now - Jared was in it for _more_ than the game. He wanted some sort of _treat_ at the end of a joke.

It was Saturday and Jared had wrapped before Jensen. He pretended to be angry as he stormed off the set - commenting about the fangirls being _right_ and how there was so much more Dean time in Supernatural now. Kripke threw a script at him as he fake-stormed past and Jared just laughed hollering out to Jensen that he'd wait for him so they could take the same car home.

Having Jensen move in had seemed like a great idea at first. It made sense; they worked in the same place, they were busy, Harley and Sadie love Jensen and he was a built in babysitter. The problem was when Jensen moved in - Jared thought he had a great friend to live with. Now? Jared was living with a guy he was really attracted too. It was a problem. And how do you make a conscious decision to ask your best friend to leave your home? Jared loved being around Jensen even if it was a little painful at times.

Jared took a quick look around the set and slipped unnoticed up the stairs into Jensen's trailer. He had formulated some great strategies recently, on how to get his _treats_ ; the little rewards he gave himself for not letting on to Jensen that he was head over _fucking_ heels in love with the man. As his eyes roamed around the trailer he found what he was looking for quickly and grabbed Jensen's t-shirt off the couch. It was the Texas State t-shirt Jensen had been wearing that morning when they left the house. Grinning, Jared ran the shirt under the tap for a few seconds, wrung it out then tossed it back on the couch where it had been before. Peering out the door, he waited until the crew were all fully occupied with the next take and slipped back down the stairs and ran over to his own trailer to change and wait for his _roommate_.

Jensen waved at the call of his name across the set, not quite sure who had just called goodbye to him but figuring a general lift of his hand worked just as well as a goodbye. As he approached his trailer his hands dropped to the white button up shirt he'd been wearing for the day. It was a secret thrill of his, playing Dean the FBI agent, and Jensen didn't even mind the tight suit. A yawn worked its way up his lips and he covered his mouth, fingers sliding up to scrub at his eyes. It was exhausting work, filming the end of the world.

Stepping quickly up into his trailer, Jensen tugged off his suit coat and tie, shirt following shortly after. All he wanted was a cold beer, possibly a burger, and the couch. Even if it meant having to watch Jared play video games for the evening. There was a stack of about seven books around the house that he'd been meaning to read, book marks sticking out of them in random spots.

As he scanned the living room area, Jensen's brows furrowed in confusion. He could have sworn he left his shirt on the couch. Blinking a few times he slid forward and stared down at the article that at first he hadn't realized _was_ the shirt. It was completely drenched. A long suffering sigh fell from his lips before he turned to the still open door and yelled loudly, "Damnit Jared!"

Jared was probably long gone across the set but Jensen swore he could hear just the faintest bark of the man's laugh. Jared had the type of laugh that could shake buildings. Another sigh and Jensen tugged the soaked shirt over his head, shivering already. But there was no _way_ he was crossing the set without a shirt. Too many people. It was one thing when he was in front of camera and even then it was pretty rare that he wore something less than two shirts and a jacket.

Jensen stepped out of his dress slacks quickly and into his jeans, tugging on his shoes just as fast. This was not the first time Jared had done something so... lame. By this point it should be typical and expected. Jensen sort of wondered how he could fall for them.

"Jared!" He hollered as he headed down the steps, slamming the door behind him and half jogging toward the lot where the car - and hopefully Jared - would be waiting. He spotted his friend leaning against the car; arms open wide as he told some story - probably about Sadie or Harley, his favourite conversation topics. Cliff was nodding and smiling and looking like he'd definitely heard the story before. A snort of laughter left his lips as he approached them, raising a fist to punch into Jared's arm a touch above playfully. "Hey asshat! What the hell?"

Jared couldn't help the laughter that burst out of him again as he rubbed his aching arm. "Dude! Your shirt is all wet." He grinned at Cliff and nodded knowingly. "Aren't you gonna to get cold on the drive home?" Jared also couldn't help dragging his eyes over Jensen's chest, studying the way the wet t-shirt clung in all the right places. He coughed and carded a hand through his hair. "Okay! So - we should be going home then."

"You're one of the biggest douches I know, and that's really saying something," Jensen huffed and shifted uncomfortably in the wet shirt.

From somewhere behind him his name was called and he turned just in time to see pale skin and dark hair, the lithe form of one of the newer PR girls heading his way, a stack of papers in her hands. "Hey! Glad I caught you. Sera had some last minute changes for tomorrow." She beamed at him and Jensen blushed.

He rubbed at the back of his neck in a nervous habit even as he reached out with his free hand to take the papers. "Thanks Tuesday, sorry to make you run all the way over here."

Her grin only brightened and she shrugged. "No biggie, got me off early." She lifted her hand in a wave as she stepped back. "See you tomorrow. And nice shirt. Wet looks good on you."

Jensen watched her go, catching his lip between his teeth and considering the sway of her hips. After a moment he realized Jared was staring at him and he turned to look up at the man with a sheepish grin. "What?

Jared grimaced and punched Jensen in the chest lightly. "Dude... you were flirting. You did the thing with your neck!" He smiled and opened the car door even though there was a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. Jared's little fantasy world was great as long as he didn't have to adjust to seeing Jensen around women; particularly women Jensen was attracted to. Sighing he climbed into the back seat.

"So what if I was?" Jensen slid into the seat beside Jared, closing the door and staring out the window as Cliff climbed in and started the car up. Once they were heading out of the lot he turned slightly to look at Jared, shivering for a moment in the wet cloth. "What do you think of her? She's cute huh?"

Slipping out of his hoodie Jared forced a smile. "Yeah - she was cute - pretty. You talked to her much?" He handed Jensen his hoodie, "take that off and put this on before you freeze your stupid ass off." He looked down at his hands and tugged his t-shirt back into place.

Jensen pulled off the damp shirt and threw it at Jared's face, snatching up the sweat shirt and pulling it on. The warmth felt nice and his grin strengthened. "Yeah, she started a few weeks ago, took that kid Kyle's place. She's funny, like you only her jokes don't involve bodily functions." He snorted and nudged Jared's shoulder with his own. "She's from Texas too. Worked for a while on CSI before coming here. Plus her name is Tuesday, which is pretty awesome you have to admit."

Jared looked out the window not wanting Jensen to see the thin line of his lips. He really wanted Jensen to be happy, find someone to spend his life with. Hell - Jared wanted that - the problem was he kinda hoped... well, it wasn't going to happen. "I like the name Tuesday." He watched the street lights pass by, fingers curling into his leg.

Nodding and considering the seat in front of him, Jensen said casually. "Yeah well, I was thinking we could have a get together thing this weekend, since we actually have it off? Invite some friends and her and then I could see how she is off set." He smiled over at Jared. "Gotta make sure she's not insane. You could talk with her? Give her your stamp of approval before I ask her out on an official date? That cool?"

Turning back to face Jensen, Jared sighed again. "I... I'm not the best person to do that - you know - me and my track record." Yeah, things hadn’t gone really well with Sandy. Jared still felt like a complete and utter asshole for breaking off his engagement with her even though, deep inside, he knew it was right. "You're a great guy Jen; you're a great judge of character. If you like her - well, then I'm sure she's worth it." His smile was genuine; it was easy for Jared to talk about Jensen - he could write a book on the man's best qualities.

Jensen chuckled and let his grin fade to a fond smile. "I'm not asking you to rate her. Just wanna make sure you like her you know? If we do date, she'll be around at the house and I wouldn't want you two to completely clash." He shrugged and leaned back in the seat, rolling his shoulders to ease off some of the tension from the day. "You know a whole bunch of new girls started, Tuesday's friends with the lot of them I could have her bring them along? Maybe you'll hit it off with one?" He turned his head to consider Jared's profile, wondering why the man looked so tense.

There were so many times, just like this, when it would be so easy for Jared to tell his _best friend_ that he was gay. He knew Jensen wasn't a judgemental guy, hell, they had mutual friends who were gay. He just worried that Jensen would move out, maybe cool off their friendship a little - or worse - maybe he wouldn't be okay anymore with Jared being himself; Jared just loved touching people. Maybe he loved touching Jensen the most but friends touched. They _did_. He took a deep breath, "I dunno if I'm a datin' kinda guy Jen. I keep screwing that up, I guess I think nows just not the time for me." He smiled again, brushing his hair back off his face. "You got a sore back again? Want me to rub your shoulders when we get home?"

"Yes please," Jensen nodded, shifting his muscles as he spoke. "I swear Kripke's trying to kill me with these things." He chuckled and folded his hands together on his lap, watching the streets as they passed on the way to their house. "So no biggie about the girls, we won't invite them. But you still okay with a get together? We could invite Tom; we haven't seen him since he got back in town. Maybe Saturday night? We could have a barbeque. I know you've been dying for something that isn't take out."

"Yeah, totally, Saturday is great." Jared liked Tom; in fact, Tom was one of the only people who knew he was gay. Jared _had_ to tell someone - Jensen was always teasing him, saying that he couldn't stand to have secrets - they just burst out of him. "Be great to see Tom... and dude..." Jared tilted his head to the side, glancing at Jensen, "invite Tuesday for sure, I'd be glad to get to know her. I'm just being bitchy." He smiled.

Smiling brightly Jensen nodded, "Figured, I mean, when are you not?" He laughed as he dodged Jared's playful punch. "Saturday it is." He fell into silence, considering the houses as they pulled into their neighbourhood. When Cliff finally turned into the driveway he sighed in relief and pushed open the door, calling a goodbye to the man as he stepped out and headed automatically for the front door, pulling out his keys. He waited for Jared to catch up to him before he pushed open the door, turning to look over his shoulder and saying softly, "You know Jay, you'll find someone. I mean, right now I'm sure it seems hard but you will. You're a great catch."

Blinking under Jensen's sudden gaze, Jared shifted his feet and jammed his hands in his pockets. His chest felt tight and he fought the overwhelming urge to reach out and smooth Jensen's hair. "Yeah... I mean, thanks..." he shrugged, "I'll be okay. Fetch me beer, dude - and I shall work my magic on your back." He grinned, yanked his hands out of his pockets and wiggled his fingers in Jensen's face.

"Fair trade." Jensen beamed and pushed open the door, side stepping to drop his keys in the dish they kept on the table in the front hall. He kicked off his shoes and headed directly for the kitchen, knowing Jared would head to the back door to let the dogs in before anything else. Sure enough, moments later Sadie came barrelling through the house. He had just enough time to close the fridge and set the two bottles down on the counter before he was covered with dog. "Hey girl!" He called happily, scrubbing the top of her head before pushing her down and retrieving the beers once more to head into the living room.

Laughing, Jared threw himself down on the living room floor and wrestled with Harley getting completely and thoroughly licked. He thought he might actually be winning until Sadie came flying into the room beside Jensen and Jared was covered in a blur of brown fur and dog breath. Breathless and exhausted Jared lay on the floor for a few moments after the dogs lost interest and made a beeline for their food dishes. "Gotta love a welcome home like that - why have a girlfriend, Jensen?" He pushed up off the floor and sat down on the couch throwing one long leg along the back of the couch. "Okay, let's get this over with," he patted the couch between his legs.

"What would I do without your wonder fingers?" Jensen chuckled and moved to the space between Jared's legs, offering the beer to the man before making himself comfortable. His whole body ached and he vaguely thought it might be about time to go in for a full professional massage. Why he was always consumed with so much tension he wasn't exactly sure but it seemed to plague him constantly. Jared had barely started rubbing the muscles and he already felt ten times more relaxed, a soft moan falling from his lips as he shifted his hips to get even more comfortable.

Jared sucked his bottom lip into his mouth as his long fingers curled over the tight muscles in Jensen's shoulders. He worked the muscle gently at first, rubbing his thumbs in small circles across the knots in his friend's back. "Man, you're really tense - you gotta find more time to relax." The warmth of Jensen's body, in particular his ass was pretty distracting and Jared shifted uncomfortably. "Take the hoodie off? Can't work with all that material." Jared let his fingers slip off Jensen's back and grabbed his beer off the table.

Jensen curled his fingers under the sweat shirt and tugged it off in one quick pull, tossing it to the other side of the couch. He rolled his shoulders before settling back into his seat, squirming his hips slightly. "Think it might be easier to relax if I wasn't playing someone who was constantly high strung." He mumbled, head dropping down as he waited for Jared's hands to start their work again. When they didn't come after a moment he tilted his head slightly. "Jay?"

Why Jared put himself through this kind of stuff - he had no idea. "Sorry, sorry was just..." he gestured at Jensen with his beer bottle then put it down on the floor and took a deep breath. Not that Jared had devoted a great deal of time researching, but Jensen's skin, up close, dusted in freckles was pretty hot. Touching Jensen's skin, feeling his muscles ripple under his skin was pretty damn intoxicating. His long fingers curled back over Jensen's shoulders and dug in to the muscle. "You know - I get that - you're pretty opposite to Dean really, I mean, once I got to know you I realized you were different from him. But man, when you're acting - you're just crazy good." His hands moved down his friend's back and he rolled his knuckles over taut muscle, moving slowly down to the small of the man's back. Jared shifted slightly, trying to get comfortable in his jeans that felt rather tighter than they had when he first sat down.

A low moan fell from his mouth as Jensen shifted to give Jared more access to his flesh. "Well thanks man, you aren't too bad yourself." He chuckled and let his eyes fall closed, relaxing into the feel of his muscles being shifted beneath soft fingers. "For the record you're nothing like Sam either. But if you ever start drinking blood I'm gonna go Dean so fast on your ass it's not even funny." He snorted at the comment and reached up to rub at his neck.

Jared batted Jensen's hand away and rubbed his fingers up and down the back of his friend's neck on either side of his spine. "Better?" He licked his lips and breathed in the scent of Jensen's hair, clean, and it felt soft under his fingers. Most people didn't know that Jensen's hair had a natural curl to it and Jared liked the way that the curls slipped around his fingers and his hands moved through it. Pushing his fingers up through Jensen's hair he rubbed the muscles gently.

"Much," Jensen groaned softly and tilted his head back into Jared's touch. "You give the _best_ massages." He bit down on his lip and soaked in the pleasure, wondering for a moment if it were odd to gain such enjoyment at the hands of your _male_ best friend. But it was Jared and really, they shared so much, it didn't seem to really matter. "You want one after me? I know I'm not nearly as good but I could try."

Blowing out a breath, Jared's face was almost in Jensen's hair when he nodded silently for a few moments before he realized that Jensen couldn't see him. "Yeah - that'd be good - being tall really sucks for back muscles." He slid his arm around Jensen's chest and grabbed onto his opposite shoulder so he could push the flat of his other hand into the other man's back; he worked the heal of his palm in a straight line down Jensen's back.

"Jesus," Jensen gasped at the roll of his muscles, the noise morphing into a moan. "Screw acting Jay, do this for a living and you'll be fuckin' rich." He chuckled softly and slid his hips back to give more room for Jared to work, body falling flush into Jared's.

Jared's hips twitched forward as Jensen's body settled against his and he coughed over his shoulder trying to cover it up and hoping that Jensen couldn't tell how ridiculously turned on he was. He worked his fingers across Jensen's chest muscles pressing against his back with his forearm. Jensen had a great chest - and Jared realized he was quickly getting into dangerous territory. He slapped his hand against Jensen's chest and pulled back, "okay man, that's all I got in my hands for tonight." He swallowed and fell back against the couch.

Jensen slid like putty off the couch and onto the floor, head falling back onto the sofa between Jared's still spread legs. "Thanks man," he said quietly, tilting his head up to just barely catch Jared's features. "Give me a minute and I'll do you. What do you want for dinner? Think there's some leftovers from Chinese last night." He cleared his throat and reached up to snag his forgotten beer, downing half of it in one go. "One of these days we might get to eat dinner at a normal hour, like... seven."

Smiling down at his friend and trying to get a hold of himself, Jared took a big pull on his beer bottle. "I'll probably just make a sandwich later or something." His stomach was a bit queasy, always was when he touched his best friend. Really. He had to stop putting himself through this. "We should plan what we want for food and stuff - and I'll go to Costco. I love Costco." Jared grinned and downed the rest of his beer.

"Yeah I know, last time you came home with a enough food to feed the entire cast and crew for a month," Jensen snorted and pushed up off the floor, moving to drop onto the couch beside Jared and kicking his legs up on the table. "I guess the usual barbecue stuff. Who all should we invite? Probably not too many people; don't wanna have a huge mess to clean on one of our few days off." He sank back into the sofa, letting his eyes drift closed as he continued to mumble. "Just the usuals I suppose... and Tom, Tuesday of course, since that's kinda the point..." he could feel the exhaustion creeping up in him now that his muscles were relaxed and he sighed softly.

"You should go to bed man, you look exhausted." Jared's hand drifted up to Jensen's shoulder and rested there for a moment before he pulled away. "You're gonna fall asleep right here," he murmured, fighting the urge to run his fingers over his friends' cheek.

Jensen mumbled something, cleared his throat and tried again. "Nah, m'good. 'Sides, was gonna massage you." He chuckled and let his head tilt to the side, eyes fluttering open to look at Jared. "What sort of friend would I be if I didn't reciprocate?"

"Don't worry man," Jared could forgive Jensen anything anyway, he shrugged, "I can always wait." He reached out and brushed his fingers over Jensen's hair, then realized what he'd done and shoved his friend's head gently; his eyes darted away.

"Mmkay," Jensen pushed himself up off the couch and reached out to ruffle Jared's hair. "See ya in the mornin'." He smiled at him briefly before turning and heading in the direction of his room, holding up a finger when Sadie and Harley perked up off the floor in interest. "I think not muts, you're not sleeping with me, we've been over that." He chuckled as he disappeared into his room, closing the door behind him.

Letting his head thud back into the arm of the couch Jared groaned and held his hand out for Harley and Sadie. "What am I doing?" he asked them as they panted and looked up at him. "What the _hell_ am I doing?"

The week blew past Jared like a speeding train. The fourteen hour filming days, the amusing trip to Costco that ended with Jared owning an entire case of marshmallow peanuts, and the evenings of video games, beer and Jensen. Jared had no idea how Jensen managed to remain oblivious that he had some sort of school-girl crush on him. Jared knew he got away with a lot because people just expected him to be odd, touchy-feely, talk about his feelings a lot and hug everyone. The thing about hugging Jensen, and Jared _had_ thought carefully about it, was that he was addicted. It kept him sane. He loved the feel of Jensen's arms around his waist, the way the scent of him wafted forward - and yeah, there was no way he was giving it up even if it _did_ make him crazy.

So, the days came and went in a blur and before Jared knew it - Saturday had arrived and he was in the kitchen up to his eyeballs in lettuce for the fifty pounds of salad he had decided they needed. Jensen had gone outside with the dogs to get the grill going and he could hear them barking happily as Jensen threw their ball for them. He was still smiling softly when Tom came bursting in through the backdoor.

Grinning brightly, Tom crossed the room and threw his arms around Jared in a tight hug that nearly lifted him up off the ground. "Jared! It's been ages man! How have you been?" He reached into the cooler, grabbing a beer and twisting it open. He leaned against the counter as he tilted the beer up to his lips.

"Welling, you're a sight for sore eyes." Jared threw the last of the lettuce in the huge salad bowl and washed his hands. "I've missed you man, I'm good..." he shrugged, "you know, plugging away at life." Drying his hands he shoved Tom out of the way and grabbed his own beer.

Tom nodded and turned to glance out the back door where he could see Jensen playing with the dogs. "And how are things going with..." He nudged his shoulder in the general direction of the backdoor, watching Jared as he brought the bottle once more to his lips.

Sighing, Jared fiddled with the label on his bottle. "Well, it's going," he shrugged again and turned to face Tom, "some days it's really hard - some days I'm happy." He looked down and pushed his hair back off his face, "it's okay."

"Yeah, you pretty much look the picture of bliss." Tom rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to say something more when the back door opened and Jensen came in quickly.

"She's not here yet right? Tell me she's not here." Jensen looked down at his clothes with wide eyes. He was completely covered in muddy dog paws prints and drool. "I have to change."

Jared laughed. "You were supposed to be starting the grill not rolling around on the ground." Leaning back on the counter Jared kicked out his foot and shoved Jensen towards the hallway, "get your ass pretty for your girl."

Letting out an odd sort of squeak, Jensen hurried toward his room, mumbling about time to take a shower. Tom watched him go before turning to Jared with wide eyes. "What's this? There's a _her_ now?"

Letting his head fall back Jared let out a loud groan. "Yeah - isn't _that_ awesome?" Jared drained some of his beer then looked over at Tom. "I know - I'm a fucking idiot."

"You're not," Tom shook his head and stepped forward to let his hand rest on Jared's shoulder, squeezing tightly. "We've discussed how sometimes you can't help who you have feelings for. But you know, it might be reaching the point where it would be best to just... start trying to get over..." He shrugged and let his hand fall to his side. "Maybe start dating someone? I think I could find a few people who'd be more then interested."

Swallowing around the lump in his throat Jared nodded silently then rested his hand over his heart. "It's just... it hurts ya know? I just want him to see... just I mean, I'm right here and it's like I'm invisible." He reached out and grabbed Tom's hand, squeezing it tightly then letting go. "You're probably right... but man, would take a special guy to put up with me." He flashed a crooked grin at Tom.

Leaning against the counter, Tom picked at the label on the beer bottle for awhile before speaking. "Well what about Mike?" He looked up before Jared could say anything, going on quickly. "He's a great guy. And I know he thinks you're gorgeous. Plus he already knows that you're... you know... so you wouldn't have to worry about explaining all that." He shrugged and finished off his beer. "Just think about it."

"How's this?" Jensen crossed the hall to them and held out his arms, spinning in a circle. "Shit Jay we really need to do laundry. Can't we hire someone for that? Tom? This is the last season of Smallville right? You looking for a job?"

Tom snorted and rolled his eyes. "Hardy har."

"Hey- you might make a good Dean!" Jared wrinkled his nose and grinned at Jensen. "What do you think? A tall dark and handsome Dean?" He nudged Tom and laughed. "You look great, Jen."

"I think Jensen's plenty tall dark and handsome," a female voice sounded from the door and the men all turned to her. She blushed brightly and shrugged. "Hope you don't mind, the door was sort of half open."

"Tuesday." Jensen recovered quickly and crossed to her, stopping short and flushing softly. "Uh no, it's okay, it's pretty much open door here. Tuesday this is Tom Welling, and well, of course you know Jared." He laughed lamely and looked at Jared with wide eyes, silently asking for help to stop him from sounding like an idiot.

Tuesday just smiled and held out a tray. "I made M&M brownies." She held them out, biting her lower lip as she looked between the three men.

Pushing off from the counter Jared reached for a brownie. "Ahhh I love brownies - and I love M&Ms," he flashed his best grin at Tuesday. "Welcome to our house of crazy, Jensen's in charge of grilling- I'm doing the salad and other munchies," he took a bite of the brownie and made a satisfied little noise, "and _you_ are the Queen of brownies." He smiled at Jensen, his eyes softening; the poor guy would be a wreck by the end of the night.

As Tuesday's face lit up in amusement, Jensen mouthed a silent 'thank you' to Jared before stepping forward. "Did you want a beer?" He flinched for a moment. "Or something... coke?"

"Beer’s good." Tuesday grinned and crossed to the cooler, retrieving one before anyone else could get one for her. "So... are more people coming? Not that I mind but I think I might be dead by the end of the night if I'm stuck with three dashingly handsome men." She giggled softly and twisted the cap off her beer easily, twirling it between her fingers.

Tom rolled his eyes at Jared, and stepped over to him, leaning against his side as a comforting weight.

Jensen filled the silence. "Yeah a few more people, not really sure who but guess that's part of the fun. Did you uh, wanna come out back? Where the grill is? You can meet the dogs they'll love you." He gestured to the back door and Tuesday nodded with a smile, following Jensen outside and closing the door behind her.

"God Jay..." Tom said softly, turning to look at him with sad eyes.

Jared was quite certain his fingers were going to leave indentations on the kitchen counter; he let out the breath he didn't even know he was holding. "Sucks doesn't it?" Jared ran a hand down over his face, "you know, me and Jen, we were doing just fine by ourselves. I mean, I don't know why he really likes her - she doesn't seem like she's his type." He looked over at Tom and grimaced. "I'm lying, she's nice _and_ she's his type. I'm bitter and jealous."

Tom let his arm fall across Jared's shoulder and he squeezed tightly. "More reason than ever to start dating someone else. What do you think about Mike? He's in town for awhile you know, taking some time off. I could even call him up now."

Pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes briefly, Jared sighed again. He didn't really want anyone else and had no idea how he would even talk to someone else. "Yeah, sure, the more the merrier." Turning to the counter Jared grabbed the salad bowl and walked toward the back door, he stopped with his hand on the door. "Listen, thanks Tom." He pushed the door open and went out in the back yard.

"That's when Jared decided two dogs was a good idea, even though one was insane enough already," Jensen was saying as Jared came out. He turned to Jared with a bright grin. "Of course Jared's always had a big heart for animals so no one was really surprised."

Tuesday smiled softly, kneeling to pet the dogs. "They're really sweet Jared. Think you'll get any more?"

Snapping his fingers quietly Jared called the dogs to his side, "sit guys." Sadie whined up at Jared and sat hesitantly and Harley plunked down on the ground. "I don't know, it's hard work for me and Jen with just the two dogs." He looked over at Jensen and blinked. "I mean, well, they're mine but Jen, Jensen helps a lot." Sliding the salad bowl on to the table, Jared smiled at Tuesday and walked over to the bench by the old oak tree. The dogs trailed over behind him. He dropped down on the bench and pushed his hair back off his face, frustrated with himself. Tom was right - it really was time for this to stop - he was overly attached to Jensen and territorial and he had no right to be either.

"They're just as much my dogs too," Jensen reasoned, smiling at Tuesday. "With as much work as I put into their well fare."

The back door opened a few moments later and Tom came out followed by a few of the guys from the crew including Cliff. Jensen and Tuesday greeted them happily and the quick chatter of voices filled the back yard. Tom spotted Jared and headed over, dropping to his side. "Called Mike, he's gonna come hang out for a bit. But hey, no pressure okay? I didn't tell him... don't worry; it's all at your pace okay? If you're not interested it's no big deal."

"Thanks, Tom." Jared took a deep breath, "okay I think I'm ready to go back over there now - I hope Mike likes over-sensitive guys with huge hang ups." Jared pushed up off the bench and reached out a hand to Tom. "Let's go - once more into the breach and all that."

"Can't imagine huge hang ups being an issue," Tom snorted as if he knew something he wasn’t saying and walked with Jared into the crowd of people, greeting those he knew.

Tuesday shifted through the people and Jensen watched her, moving to stand by Jared and nudging his shoulder. "So what do you think? Think she likes me? I can't tell if she's just always polite or actually interested."

"Who wouldn't like you, Jen?" Jared smiled sadly and looked down at his friend slipping his hand onto the small of Jensen's back and rubbing gently. "I'm sure she likes you, you're a great guy - you just need to relax and be yourself."

"Okay," Jensen nodded and threw his arms around Jared for a tight hug. "Thanks man. I think, I’m going to go ask her out." He stepped away from Jared and crossed the deck to the place Tuesday was standing talking to Cliff. The man must have seen him coming because he stopped mid sentence and just smiled before walking away. Jensen laughed at Tuesday's confused stare. "Don't worry, you just go with the flow when it comes to Cliff."

"No joke, he could probably lift me with one hand," She grinned and sipped from her beer, leaning against the rail and looking around the backyard. "This is a really nice place you guys have. You don't ever get annoyed of each other? Being together twenty four seven?"

"Nah, we really aren't, around each other twenty four seven I mean," Jensen shook his head and stuffed his hands into his pockets, rocking forward onto the balls of his feet. "And now with everything that's happening on the show, it's actually kind of nice really. You wouldn't believe how wearing it gets to try and act like you dislike your best friend so much." He chuckled and rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand.

Tuesday smiled softly and stepped forward an inch. "You do that when you're nervous. Don't tell me I scare you?"

Laughing, Jensen shook his head and dropped his hand, glancing over at his shoulder to steal a glance at Jared. He stopped for a moment, surprised to see the crest fallen look on his best friend's face. "Huh." He said without even thinking, turning to Tuesday when she asked what was wrong. "What? Oh nothing. Jared just looks," he shrugged and sighed. "I think it's just you know, here I am about to ask you out and he's been pretty down since Sandy, never really got over it and stuff and..."

"This is how you're asking me out?" Tuesday asked with a soft smile, stepping forward even more and reaching out to hook her fingers in the front of Jensen's shirt. "Well it's probably the weirdest way I've ever been asked. But I'm pretty fond of you so I think I can over look that." She smiled up at him. "And Jared's your best friend, I'm sure he'll be happy for you."

"Yeah," Jensen nodded, distracted by how close her skin was to his. It had been awhile since he had been with someone, too long actually, and it felt good to reach out and lay his palm against the soft curve of her hip. He dipped down and brushed his lips across hers softly. When he pulled up she beamed at him so bright he almost stepped back. It was a smile that could compete with Jared's biggest and brightest and Jensen couldn't resist returning it, staring into her eyes that he hadn't noticed until now were a bright hazel. "So that's a yeah?"

"That's a duh," She smirked and pressed against him, fingers coming along the back of his neck to drag him down for a kiss that lingered.

Across the deck, Tom watched Jared watch Jensen and sighed, breaking from the conversation he'd been having to step up to the man. "What are you some sort of masochist?"

"Tom," Jared's voice was almost a whisper. "Tom," he tried again, "do something, Tom." His heart was blowing apart in his chest - for real - smashing into little pieces he could feel it, like a million little spikes shooting through his chest. His fingers were clutching his pant legs and even the dogs had come to sit by Jared's feet; they always knew when he was upset. "I gotta get outta here."

"Alright, it's okay, come on," Tom curled his hand around Jared's arm and tugged him up, leading him toward the back door and into the house. His eyes flickered to the front door where Mike was just entering, sliding his sunglasses on his head. "Thank god Mike, take Jared up to his room, I'll go make sure Jensen stays occupied down here. Though I'm sure _that_ won't be an issue." He scoffed as he headed outside once more.

Mike blinked at his sudden armful of Jared, staring up into his eyes. "Damn Jay, have you gotten taller since the last time I saw you?" He subtly avoided the topic of Jared's watery eyes, leading them toward the flight of stairs that led up to Jared's room.

"Uh, taller, yeah." Jared sniffed and stumbled up the stairs beside Mike thankful for his strong arm. He knew he was acting like an idiot - but seeing Jensen kiss someone, anyone would be hard, seeing him kiss a gorgeous woman had just kind of yanked the rug right out from under Jared. It felt so final - and Jared knew his hope was just _gone_. As long as Jensen was single, he could continue to kid himself that things might just work out between them. He shook his head and realized his fingers were wrapped pretty tightly round Mike's arm. "Wow - sorry Mike - I'm not feeling very good, I guess, uh," he looked down at Mike and tried to half-hearted smile, "how are you?"

Smiling softly, Mike reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Jared's ear. "Obviously I'm a bit better than you. Jensen?" He asked softly, guiding them the rest of the way into Jared's room and to his bed where they could sit and talk comfortably.

Jared's eyes widened and darted back to Mike's face. "Huh. It's that obvious? Wow." He sniffed and tried to disguise wiping his eyes by rubbing his sleeve down over his entire face. "I'm sorry - I'm not normally like this - I think maybe I'm tired or... something." He smiled at Mike feeling the tears prickling again, Mike had great eyes, kind.

With a shrug Mike scrubbed a hand up through his fine hair and sighed. "I've been there. I see the signs." He wet his lips, a sad smile pulling up the corners for a moment before he looked at Jared. "So what's happening? Is he with someone now? I mean, if you feel like talking about it."

Shrugging, Jared looked down at his hands; he couldn't stop his hands from moving. "Yeah, he met someone - I mean he never led me on or anything. I'm just an idiot. We spend a lot of time together here and I guess it got too easy to kid myself. Play house." His fingers twitched nervously against each other.

"Yeah, got to admit I don't think I could have handled that," Mike sighed and reached out to take Jared's hands in his, squeezing softly. "I know it hurts like a bitch right now but trust me, it gets better. It takes time, and you never really get over it, but it does get better." He smiled reassuringly at Jared. "Hell, I can even be around mine now with his significant other and not feel like my heart is being torn into little shreds."

The corner of Jared's mouth twitched in to a small smile. "You've got _one_ too?" Mike's hands were warm, his palms smooth, and Jared felt himself relax a little. "Do you still, see him a lot?"

Mike nodded. "All the freaking time." He chuckled though the noise was sad. He curled his fingers with Jared's and stared down at them for a long while. "It's weird. I always think they'll be a time when I'll see him and feeling _nothing_ but it doesn't work that way." He looked up at Jared and blinked. "Sorry, that's not helping at all. Apparently I'm shit at providing comfort."

Jared huffed out a small laugh. "No, you're good at it I think." Jared shrugged and rubbed his thumb over the back of Mike's hand absent-mindedly. "I think we never _stop_ loving anyone, we just move on sometimes - and then have to learn to live with it." He blinked his eyes a few times and looked back up and Mike's, "not that... I love him, Jensen I mean."

With another knowing nod, Mike smiled. "Yeah, I remember the denial phase." He leaned forward to ruffle his hand in Jared's hair. "But you're right, we never stop loving someone. I loved T- the guy, love him, I don't know, it's lame and complicated and even though I've moved on, kind of, it's still there. Space helps. Which obviously is something you don't have. But so does seeing other people, as long as it's the right kind of other people and no one you've paid for."

A startled laugh burst out of Jared's mouth. "Pay? I've, uh, never had to... never been _that_ desperate I guess." He was still smiling when he looked into Mike's eyes again. He rubbed his eyes against his shirt sleeve again, not ever bothering to hide it. "Thanks, Mike." Impulsive, as usual, Jared leaned forward and wrapped his long arms around Mike's shoulders ducking in for a hug. It felt good and he sighed against Mike's neck taking comfort in his warmth.

A little surprised, Mike lifted his arms and wrapped them around Jared's body, holding him that way for some time before he pulled back slightly. "So you feel up to braving the backyard again or do you just want to kick it up here? Knowing Jen, he'll probably come searching for you before too long though, so keep that in mind for your wise decision making." He smiled brightly at him.

Jared chuckled again, "Yeah, I'm good to go back out," Jared pulled away from Mike and unfolded his tall frame. "Hey - who is it? The guy you love?" A small v appeared in his forehead as he frowned slightly.

"Oh." Mike shrugged and pushed up off the bed, heading for the door. When he got there he curled his hand around the frame and said to the floor. "I kind of thought it was obvious but I guess no one knows, so it must not be _that_ obvious. But it's um, well it's Tom." He shrugged and sighed, pulling back into the room and leaning against the wall. "Weird. Haven't even said it out loud before."

Smiling slightly, Jared reached out and squeezed Mike's shoulder, "Tom's a great guy." Jared wondered briefly if Tom knew but he guessed it didn't really matter at this point. "I've heard it gets better with time, easier, yeah?" He grinned at Mike, his hand dropping to Mike's chest.

"Yeah," Mike nodded and smiled at Jared, turning to head to the stairs before stopping once more. "Hey, you wouldn't want, I'm gonna be in town for awhile and maybe," Mike sighed softly, clearing his throat and trying again. "You wanna go get dinner with me? Next week sometime? When you have a night off?"

Jared felt his cheeks redden a little, "I think I'd really like that." He looked down at his hands and then nervously pushed his hair back off his face. "I'm not busy Monday night unless you think it's too soon." He figured he hadn't exactly left Mike with a good impression, but he felt at ease with the man - and it's not like he was hard on the eyes.

"That sounds great," Mike beamed at him and gestured toward the stairs. "Shall we?"

If there was only one thing Jared and Jensen were known for - which there wasn't, there were at least ten or twenty - it would be their ability to throw a fantastic party. Whether it be a big thing with blasting music, or a casual get together with a few friends. And more often than not they lasted far longer than the normal event should last because everyone was having such a great time. Which is why Jensen wasn't really that surprised to be saying goodnight to the last of their company just after one in the morning, leaning against the door to smile down at Tuesday. She was only a few inches shorter than him, which Jensen liked because the idea if leaning way down for kissing had never been very appealing to him.

"So... we should go out." he grinned and leaned in, rubbing their noses together and chuckling with her quick giggle. "Monday's the night off but I think Jared had mentioned something about catching a movie. Maybe you could come? I'll talk to him."

Tuesday curled her fingers around his shirt for a moment before stepping back. "You and Jared catch your movie, I'll be around." She grinned and leaned in the house to throw a wave at Jared who was in the kitchen. "See you later Jared! Thanks for the good time." Once more she stepped in front of Jensen and pressed her lips softly against his. "Night Jensen." With that she turned and headed down the walk.

"Yeah. Night." Jensen watched her go until she reached her car and slid in the driver's side. Once the vehicle had started and headed down the road, he let the door fall closed, leaning against it for a moment with a pleased sigh before pushing off. Jared was putting away leftovers, expression serious, and Jensen leaned against the counter and considered him quietly for a moment. "What's up man? You've been quiet all night. Hell, you spent most of it talking to Rosenbaum. I didn't even know he was coming."

"He came to see me - Tom asked if he could come over and hang." Jared shuffled some dishes around in the fridge and slid the remaining salad on to the shelf, "and it's not a national emergency just because I'm quiet." He shut the fridge door a little harder than he intended, took a deep breath and started loading glasses in the dishwasher.

A deep frown worked down his lips and Jensen reached out to help with some of the clean up. "Did I do something?" He asked softly. "Or say something? ‘Cause I'm sure I didn't mean whatever it was."

Even that stupid ass question and that way Jensen had of making his voice so quiet - kind of like Jared was the only person in the world he cared about - had Jared's chest tightening again; he was getting really tired of not being able to breathe. "I'm fine. Listen - I can't do the movie Monday night - I'm going out with Mike for dinner - so... do what you want." He closed the dishwasher and stood in front of it for a few long moments fiddling with the buttons.

"Oh," Jensen blinked at him in surprise. "But we've been talking about it for weeks, thought you wanted to see the new Final Destination in 3D." He folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the counter. "Come on Jared, what did I do? What's the matter? Is this about Tuesday? Did you like her? Dude I'm sorry did I get-"

"Look," he said sharply, "I don't give a rat's ass about Tuesday." Jared bit down hard on his bottom lip and closed his eyes as he saw Jensen stiffen out of the corner of his eye. "I didn't mean that." He reached out a shaking hand and patted Jensen on the shoulder, his shirt was soft. "I just needed, a friend, I guess and Mike and I have a lot in common. Take Tuesday to the movie - I'm sure she'd like to spend some time alone with you."

Jensen glanced at Jared's arm and his frown deepened. "Aren't I your friend?"

Jared let his arm fall back to his side. "Yeah, there are just, I mean we don't talk about everything." Jared shrugged, "and you'll be busy with Tuesday if you start dating - we don't have a lot of time now so I should make friends with other people, branch out, you know." He ran a hand through his hair, eyes darting nervously around the kitchen looking for something else to clean. "Tom says I need to get out more - ya know? Date or something, not rely on you so much to entertain me." He tried a smile and felt like it failed pretty badly. "Anyway - Mike's a good guy - like I said - we have a lot in common."

Arching his eyebrows high, Jensen stepped toward the hall, unsure why his gut was clenching so painfully. "So what, you're going on a date with Mike?" He asked, trying to force a laugh, trying to feel like his best friend wasn't shoving him away for something he didn't even know he did.

Knowing his cheeks were going pink, Jared laughed. "I'm going out for a steak with Mike because I like talking to him. What are you jealous?" He grinned - even in the midst of feeling like his heart was being torn out the very idea of Jensen being jealous amused him. And, it wasn't a lie. It _wasn't_. Mike was a great guy and it would be good to spend some time with someone who knew what he was going through, knew who Jared _really_ was. And really, it was none of Jensen's business who he went out on a date with.

"Oh yeah, I'm so jealous of you and Rosenbaum shacking up." Jensen snorted but kept his back to Jared. Rubbing at his neck, he considered the floor for awhile before letting his head fall to the side. "Sorry for bugging you about it, you're right, you're allowed to have other friends, I'm being stupid. I'll see you in the morning." He headed toward his room, completely thrown by the twist of emotions crawling through him.

"Hey." Jared called out at Jensen's disappearing back, "we're okay right?" There might be a lot of things that Jared was unhappy about, but the thought of losing Jensen's friendship had always been the one thing that made him keep so much to himself. It was funny, that way, Jared was so open with everyone - and hid so much of himself from the one man he cared about more than anything.

Jensen hesitated at the door and turned to Jensen with a smile. "Sure man, of course we're okay." He nodded and headed into his room, shutting the door behind him.


	2. Chapter 2

Smoothing his hand down the front of his shirt, Jensen stared at himself in the mirror. His whole back ached and what he really needed was a good massage but Jared hadn't been the same since Saturday and Jensen suddenly felt like he was walking on egg shells around the house. Swallowing thickly, Jensen considered calling Tuesday and cancelling. It wouldn't keep Jared home he was sure but it felt, weird, going out on a date when everything was so off between Jared and him. But it would be rude to cancel a date half hour before it was supposed to happen and Tuesday was a nice girl, Jensen didn't want to be rude.

Heading out to the living room, Jensen glanced round for Jared, frowning when he didn't find him there. So he took the steps two at a time, stopping when he found himself face to face with Jared's closed door. He tried the knob, surprised to find it locked, and stepped back to knock. "Jared?" He called through the wood.

Jared was about to start buttoning up his favourite shirt when he heard the knock on his door. Well, it was actually the shirt that Jensen said looked best on his which was why he'd chosen it for his date. He pushed his shower damp hair off his forehead and padded over to open the door, it wasn't like he didn't know who was there. "Hey," he scratched his belly and tugged the shirt closed self-consciously, "just getting ready to go out - you leaving soon?" He moved back into the room and started hunting for a pair of socks assuming Jensen would follow him.

Staring at Jared in mild surprise, Jensen blinked several times, trying to sort through the thoughts that pounded to the forefront of his mind. "Uh yeah." He pulled his eyebrows together and stepped slightly into the room. "I like that shirt, why are you so dressed up for…" He trailed off and shook his head. "Never mind, being nosy again. Uh, does this look okay? What I'm wearing?" He held out his arms and looked down at his clothes.

"Yeah," Jared looked over, of course he looked great, when didn't he look great? "You're all handsome and shit," he smiled warmly at Jensen, "she'll love it." He found some socks and sat down on the end of his bed to pull them on. Tuesday would have to be absolutely crazy not to like Jensen's just-tight-enough jeans and the slate grey t-shirt that was fitted to show off his muscles. Jared glanced over again; Jensen was wearing the leather band he'd given him for his birthday. Jared thought Jensen's hands and arms were made for wearing things like that. _Oh God._ "You'll knock her dead." His voice cracked a little and he chuckled to try and hide it.

Jensen beamed and ran a hand down his shirt, leaning back against the wall. "Ya think? Good." he smiled fondly at Jared. "You're lookin' pretty damn handsome yourself. Maybe you and Mike could pick up some chicks?" He chuckled as he pushed back from the wall, arms folding together across his chest.

Jared sighed. "Yeah, maybe," because that was high on his list of priorities. He knew Jensen was trying to be a good friend, hell, he _was_ a good friend. Lately, it just seemed like everything Jensen said was about pushing Jared further away. After all- things would be a lot easier for Jensen too if Jared had a girlfriend; Jensen could have the house to himself sometimes, never worry about their routine nights they spent together, and wouldn't have to worry that Jared had company. "Have a good time, Jensen." Jared pushed up off the bed and yanked his favourite boots on. "I gotta get downstairs; Mike's picking me up soon."

"Oh, okay," Jensen nodded and turned to the stairs. "Yeah I have to pick up Tuesday. I'll see you later." He lifted his hand in a half wave and headed down the steps, snatching his keys from the bowl on the table and pulling open the door. He stopped short when he found himself face to face with Mike. "Oh hey Mike." His eyes traced over the man's fitted jeans and clean button down shirt. He looked... good. This had Jensen arching his eyebrow curiously. "Uh, Jared's still upstairs."

"I'll wait down here from him," Mike said with a nod and stepped into the house. "Where you off too?"

"Got a date." He grinned, turning his head to holler up the stairs, "Jared! Mike's here!" When he turned back, Mike was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets. "I'll see you guys later." He said softly before heading out, closing the door behind him.

It had been a long time since Jared had been on a date. In fact, the last date he'd had was with Sandy and that was a long while back. The last guy Jared had asked out - well - that was shortly after he moved to LA and just before he met Sandy. The guy was great but, man, Jared was so young and didn't really know shit about the gay community and it was all a bit overwhelming. Then Jared had met Sandy. She was pretty, sweet, funny and all the things Jared loved in a girl and it just seemed like the right thing for them to be together. He really had believed it at first, it had just become so obvious over time that each of them were destined for other things.

Basically, Jared was nervous as hell. He knew Mike was a good guy, and hell - he was good looking, great build - Jared just hoped that he didn't disappoint Mike with his usually crazy babble. He took a last look in the mirror and ran his fingers through his hair; there wasn't much point as it all fell back in his face almost immediately. Turning, he grabbed his jacket and headed down the stairs. "Hi Mike." Jared smiled warmly, Mike looked great as usual. "Sorry - was just fussing with my hair."

Smiling as he pushed off the wall, Mike shrugged. "No problem." His eyes traveled over Jared's body, taking in his form. "You look great."

Brushing his hands down his shirt Jared could feel the tell-tale blush creeping onto his cheeks. "Thanks. You look _really_ good too." He grinned, nervous, and pushed his hair off his face again.

"Thanks," Mike beamed at him, hand coming to rest on the door handle. "So I hope you don't mind, I asked Tom what a good place might be to eat at." He pulled open the door, holding it open for Jared. "I don't know this city like you guys do."

Jared tried to stuff his arm in his jacket and missed, getting a little tangled. "That's great -I suck at making decisions anyway - and Tom's good with food, he knows what he likes to eat. He's taken us to some really good places over the years." _Shut up, Jared._ Jensen was always saying that Jared babbled when he was nervous.

With a continued bright grin, Mike led them toward his car, pulling open the passenger door. "Tom does have a good taste in food. He has a good taste in most things... kind of." He snorted and glanced over at Jared as he waited for him to slip in the seat.

Climbing in the car Jared found he was still smiling, maybe this would be a good for him. It actually felt great to be with someone who looked at him like Mike did - like maybe he was an okay looking guy and someone he might be interested in. He was still smiling softly when Mike got in the driver's side and started the car.

"So how is filming going?" Mike asked as he slipped the car into drive and headed down the street. His eyes tilted over to Jared as he waited for an answer, smile lingering along his lips.

"Great," Jared grinned, "it's an exciting season for me." He shifted a little so he could take in Mike's features while he was talking, "Krip's kinda pushing me this year - it's pretty cool actually. I mean, I'm not as good as Jensen - that guy blows me out of the water - but I'm learning a lot of stuff so that feels really good." Mike had a handsome face; Jared found it easier to sneak peeks at him now that he was driving. "What about you? And, by the way, I like you with hair - it's sexy." He blushed furiously and turned to face the windshield again.

Chuckling softly Mike made a right at the upcoming block and glanced over at Jared as they pulled up to a red light. "Well you know, last year was my last on Smallville. So I'm just sort of working around. I've got a few bit parts in some movies, nothing major. Thought I'd look around for another show, hopefully one I can have more of a lead in." He shrugged and let his hand drop to rest momentarily on Jared's knee. "I just want you to know, we'll take this thing at your pace okay? If you're interested in more or not, it's all up to you. I know you're still... in the thick of things. So no pressure okay?"

Jared's heart fluttered a little at the touch, it had been a long time since someone touched him like that, well, someone other than Jensen. "Yeah, okay. I d-don't feel pressured." There was a warm smile on his face when he turned to Mike. "You don't have to ask me out again either. I mean, I'm kind of a dork. Most people don't realize that until they spend a significant amount of time with me. And, I talk a lot when I'm nervous. Did you notice that?" Jared smile turned into a crooked grin and he pee

"You'd be boring if you didn't talk a lot." He smirked over at him. "I have my own set of quirks that you'll see." Mike chuckled and shifted the hand from Jared's leg, up into his freshly grown hair.

"Ice cream." Jared's eyes brighten.

Turning to look at him, Mike's eyes widened. "Uh... where?" He glanced around, wondering what he missed.

"Can we go for ice cream after dinner? I know a great place down this way and I never get to go there." Jared looked down at his fingers that were picking at the seam on his jeans. "I'd like to show you - it's on the water - and the building is painted pink. I mean, after dinner, if, you know, you want to."

"That sounds great," Mike nodded, smiling once more at him.

The restaurant Tom suggested was great, perfect for getting to know each other. The best thing on the menu, according to the server, turned out to be a gigantic burger so they both ordered one. Apart from spilling a glass of water across the table, Jared managed to make it through the evening without getting too high strung. Mike was funny; in fact, he made Jared laugh harder than he had in a very long time. At one point during the evening Mike got into a bit of a wrestling match with a rather large onion that was on his burger and Jared almost spat water across the table he laughed so suddenly. It was refreshing and comfortable and Jared liked it.

They talked about their families, Vancouver, some of the jobs Mike was looking into; Jared tried to steer clear of Jensen and everything related to him, mostly for his own sanity. It was actually nice to find, halfway through dinner, that he hadn't thought about Jensen. Nice and yet, a little sad. When they were both so full they could barely move, Jared decided that ice cream maybe wasn't such a good idea and asked Mike if he was free to go for ice cream on Friday night after filming. He blushed when Mike said yes and felt good. _Good_ seemed to be theme for the evening.

Jared had an early set call in the morning so Mike was driving him home relatively early, the night air was fresh and they had the windows down. Mike kept laughing at Jared because he was constantly spitting hair out of his mouth while he was trying to talk. He felt as though he'd talked too much all night - but Mike kept assuring him it was fine, he wanted to hear, wanted to get to know Jared. Jared was pretty sure he'd been smiling over about an hour by the time they pulled up in front of his house. He hopped out of the car and waited for Mike to get out and follow him up the sidewalk. "You..." he looked down and kicked at the front step, "you want to come in?"

Mike scratched a hand through his hair and smiled softly down at the ground. "Probably better that I don't. Jensen might come home and I know you haven't told him yet." He shrugged and stepped forward. "I would um, if it's okay I'd like to kiss you goodnight though?" He smiled hopefully up at Jared.

Jared looked down at Mike and smiled, "yeah." He leaned a little closer, "I would really like that."

Stepping into Jared's form, his hand slid up to cup along Jared's jaw, then back into his hair, pulling him forward. He slanted his head to the right, angling his lips in the right way to slide against Jared's.

Things went from good to a lot better with the kiss, Mike's lips were soft, sweet, and Jared found himself parting his lips slightly and running his tongue across the other man's bottom lush lip. His hands lifted then fell again, and he settled for resting one hand on Mike's hip as their lips moved back and forth slowly.

"Holy fuck." Jensen dropped the bag in his hand, keys clattering beside it as he took in the sight of his _best_ friend locked lip to lip with Mike.

Pulling back, Mike turned quickly, staring at Jensen then Jared, coughing slightly. "Um..."

"Whoa, okay," Jared's fingers tightened on Mike's hips briefly then fell away. "I, Mike, thanks - I had fun." Jared's eyes were wide, "see you Friday?" He smiled nervously at Mike - terrified to even glance over at Jensen.

"Yeah, Friday," Mike nodded and smiled as comfortingly as possible at Jared before turning and heading toward the car, pausing as he came up to Jensen. "Go easy on him Jen, seriously."

Jensen blinked at Mike. "What? Why?" He frowned and shook his head, bending down to pick up his things. He didn't turn back to look at Mike as he headed toward the door, shifting through his keys. "Did you unlock this?" He asked the door, knowing Jared was standing right beside him. The image of the two men kissing was burned into his eyes, there whenever he blinked, and something unpleasant curled through him.

"N..no, we just, I just got here." Jared's stomach had flipped completely upside down - he was certain of that. He stood beside Jensen as he fumbled with his keys, then finally managed to get the door open. Jared followed Jensen inside, almost running into him when he stopped to take his shoes off. "Jen?"

"So Mike huh?" Jensen wet his lips and cleared his throat when his voice came out sounding slightly strangled. "Is this a recent thing or..." Something painfully tight clenched in his heart and Jensen turned to stare the wall.

"Jen, I wanted to tell you." Jared took a step closer to his friend, " I mean, I wasn't. I didn't, before with Sandy was true. I dated a guy in L.A. before I met her and I did love her but maybe only her." Jared gasped in a deep breath. "A while ago, I just realized I was falling, well..." he couldn't do it, he couldn't tell Jensen it all started with him; started with the nights they spent on the couch together, falling asleep on Jensen's shoulder, watching Jensen sleep. "I realized a little while ago that I was gay or I don't know bi - whatever." Jared blurted it out quickly then reached out to rest his palm flat against his best friend's back, feeling Jensen stiffen slightly. "Tom said I should get out, meet people - and Mike was really nice to me the other night when you, well, when I was upset and he's a really great guy - you know that." Jared's fingers curled slightly into Jensen's back.

Jensen stepped away from Jared's touch and sighed deeply. His fingers came up to rub along the back of his neck. "So Tom and Mike know? Anyone else you trusted more than your _best_ friend to tell first?" He didn't mean the words to sound so harsh but he was also unprepared for the wash of hurt that hit him knowing Jared had kept something so major from him.

Watching Jensen move away from him was about the worst thing Jared had ever seen. His voice was quiet when he spoke. "Only Tom and Mike. Tom just... he figured it out on his own, watching me," _watching me with you._ Jared took a step closer to Jensen, desperate to make things better. "Tom and I, we were drinking one night," he rubbed his hand through his hair in frustration, "and Mike came over and I told him- I was drunk, Jen, you know what I'm like when I'm drunk." He reached out and tucked his fingers around Jensen's arm trying to turn him around, if he could just see Jensen's eyes he would know if he had wrecked everything between them.

Jensen turned slowly to Jared, surprised when he felt the cool liquid of tears tracing down his cheeks. "You've been drunk with me a thousand times Jay and you've never said anything to me about being gay. Don't you trust me? Did you really think I would turn you away? God you're my best friend and I've never kept anything so very important secret for you."

Jared rubbed his thumb across his bottom lip. Jensen was right; he knew that, he'd thought it himself a hundred times. There had been so many moments when he'd thought that he should just say it, spit it out and Jensen wouldn't hate him. Jensen was his best friend. Jared's fingers were still curled around Jensen's arm and his thumb moved slowly back and forth on the material of his shirt. "I was scared that you wouldn't be as relaxed with me, or... or... _or_ that you'd want to move out or maybe not even want to hang out with me anymore. I don't _know_ why I did it Jen." There was an edge of desperation in his voice and he let go of his friend's arm, took a step back and pinched the bridge of his nose. His vision was distorted by the tears welling in his eyes when he looked up at Jensen again. "I didn't want thing to be weird between us, you're my best friend."

"Jesus Jay," Jensen's smile was soft and he stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Jared in a tight hug. He held him that way in silence until Jared's arms came around him to return the hug. "I think the point of all this is we're best friends. We shouldn't keep major things like this from each other. Just because you're into guys doesn't mean I'm going to freak out on you and move out. You know I'm more accepting then that." He squeezed Jared hard, wondering at the still tight knot in his gut.

Tucking his face into Jensen's neck, Jared let out a long sigh. "I'm _so_ sorry, Jen," he murmured as his arms tightened around his friend. "I just couldn't lose you, our friendship."

Jensen trailed his hand along Jared's back, pressing in firm as it came to rest on the small of his back. "I'm not going anywhere." He pulled back slightly and grinned up at Jared. "So. Mike huh? Was he proper gentlemen? After that kiss I'm thinking I'm gonna have to threaten him, you know, do the good best friend thing." He reached up and ruffled Jared's hair softly, fingers coming down to trace the curve of Jared's jaw and cup his chin.

A shiver ran down Jared's body at the intimacy of the touch, and he pulled back slightly. "I'm sure Mike is already terrified, Jen." Jared tilted his head and pulled out of Jensen's arms. "He's a good man."

"Good," Jensen nodded and stepped back, tucking his hand in his pockets. "Good." He said again and wet his lips. "Well alright, seems like you had a good first date. This was your first date right? Well regardless, just gonna head to bed." He turned and headed toward his room. "Early call and all. Night Jared." He mumbled as he headed toward his bedroom.

Jared stood in the hallway blinking, a frown growing on his face. "Night," he called out to Jensen's closed door, turned and headed up the stairs.

For whatever the reason Jensen couldn't seem to kick start his brain. He closed the door quietly behind him and crossed to his bed, slowly sinking down onto the mattress. It really didn't bother him that Jared was gay, he'd love his best friend either way, but there was... something. He just didn't know what. Couldn't put his finger on it. Something in him curled uneasily and wouldn't let go. He sat in silence for a long time, digging into his pocket finally to pull out his cell phone. He thumbed through the contacts, scrolling through the names and hovering over several until he finally selected one.

The device rang in his ear and he took in several deep breaths until a tired, soft voice answered. "Jensen?"

"Hey, sorry for calling so late Tuesday I just. I need a," He shrugged and rubbed at his neck, sighing softly. "I need someone to talk to you. Are you busy? Could you come over?"

"Sure," she says softly and Jensen could hear the sound of fabric rustling.

A soft groan fell from his lips and he sighed, again. Seemed to be all he knew how to do. "Were you in bed already? I'm sorry. I shouldn't bother you."

"Jen? It's fine, I'll be over in ten. Want me to knock?"

"Yeah I'll be waiting." Jensen closed the device and pushed up from the bed, tugging at his socks before sliding out of his jeans and pulling on a pair of sweats. He exchanged his shirt for a more comfortable one, and headed out to the front hall, leaning against the door quietly until he could hear the purr of an engine in front of their house, cutting off a moment later. He tugged open the door before she could knock, stepping out onto the porch and gathering her in his arms before she could say a word. His head dipped down into her hair and he breathed in. She smelt like strawberries and shampoo and something else sugary sweet that he couldn't put his fingers on.

"Jen, what's the matter?" She asked softly, fingers curling along his shoulders. "Did something happen?"

Jensen stepped back and led her inside, closing the door and turning the lock. He held a finger over his lips and pointed upward before leading her to his room. Once he'd closed the bedroom door behind them he dropped her hand and started pacing slightly. "Can I tell you something in secret? Something you wouldn't tell anyone?"

"Of course." She nodded and set her purse on the desk, slipping out of bright pink fuzzy slippers before crossing to the bed, sitting on it and folding her legs together.

Taking a moment to mull over the words, Jensen continued his casual walk back and forth across the room, half starting a dozen times before stopping and turning to face Tuesday. "Jared's gay. Or bi. Or he just went on a date with one my closet friends and I came home to find them kissing on the doorstep and for whatever the reason I can't stop feeling- I feel... I'm." He looked at Tuesday for a long moment before crossing to the bed and dropping onto the mattress beside her. "I'm not homophobic, I don't really care that Jared likes guys, it's no big deal, but." He shrugged, unsure how to go on from this point. Not even really sure he knew what to say.

Tuesday bit her lower lip and considered Jensen for awhile before shifting further up the bed and stretching her legs out, patting her lap with a smile. Jensen slid further onto the bed and laid his head in her lap, soaking in the surprising comfort he gained when she stroked a hand through his hair. "Did you ever think that maybe you were a little jealous? I mean, if Jared starts dating someone, obviously you two aren't going to spend a lot of time together." She reasoned softly and the words made more sense than Jensen was ready for.

"Yeah but I'm going to date you and that would also stand to reason that we wouldn't spend as much time together." He sighed and laid his hand against Tuesday's thigh, thumbing over the soft fabric of her pants.

"Well it's different. You date me and of course there's no jealousy. But if _Jared_ dates someone," She shrugged. "Maybe you should just tell Jared that you're worried about that, you two are best friends and roommates and co stars, I think you can make it work." She giggled quietly and slid down and rolled onto her side until she faced Jensen, shifted forward slightly. "Want me to stay here for the night?"

Jensen smiled softly and reached out to lay his hand on the small curve of her waist. "Yeah, I'd like that." He whispered the words before leaning in to seal their lips together. The gnawing feeling was still there in the bit of his stomach but he shoved it away, finding it easier to ignore when he slid his fingers under her shirt and rolled on top of her small form.

Jared woke up starving; it wasn't all that unusual. He rolled over and slammed his hand onto his cell phone which was playing some obnoxious pop song that was guaranteed to wake him up. Stretching, Jared rolled towards the edge of the bed and stood up, there was no way he would survive a shower without a snack. He padded down the stairs and turned the corner into the kitchen and noticed the fridge door was open. "Jen - you should be in the shower, the car will be here in about fifteen minutes."

Jumping and squeaking at the sudden noise, Tuesday shut the fridge and rounded to Jared with wide eyes. "Oh shit Jared you scared the crap out of me." She giggled softly and rested her hand against her chest, blinking at him.

"Oh." Jared had nothing left to break inside him, "I'm sorry," he looked down at his boxers and slipped behind the island. "I thought you were Jensen. T..tell him the car." Jared spun on his heel and jogged back up the stairs and straight into his bathroom slamming the door behind hm. He fell back against the door and closed his eyes. One date - and she was in their kitchen first thing in the morning, wearing Jensen's shirt. _One date_.

It took him a few minutes to move, it was surprising how _heartache_ could make him so slow, make him feel like his limbs weighted fifty pounds each. The only reason he managed to get ready at all was because actors simply don't have the option of _feeling bad_ and calling in sick. When he finally emerged from his room fifteen minutes later the car was outside and Jensen was waiting in the front hallway with Tuesday.

"Ready to go?" Jensen asked the floor. "Tuesday's car is still here so she's going to drive us, I told Cliff to just meet us on set." He looked up to give Jared a brief smile before turning and heading for the door, pulling it open and heading outside.

Tuesday watched his back for a moment before looking at Jared. "Hey sorry about this morning... that was kind of awkward and I just um," She shrugged and smiled softly, carding her hand through her hair and shuffling from foot to foot.

Jared smiled down at her. "Don't worry about it. It’s Jen's home too." He held out his hand to motion her through the door and locked up behind them. There was pretty much nowhere Jared wanted to be less than in Tuesday's car, with Jensen. He walked down the side walk and stopped beside his truck. "Hey, tell Jen," he said as Tuesday passed him, "I'm going to take my own truck in - I have some things to do, after." He threw her a smile again and got in his truck, starting it up and throwing it in reverse, waiting for Tuesday to back out. There was _no_ way he was going in that car.

Catching her lower lip between her teeth, Tuesday climbed into the driver's side of her car and looked over at Jensen, who was staring the truck that Jared had just got into with wide eyes. "He says he has some things to do after work." She said softly and turned the key in the ignition, backing out of the driveway and heading down the street. "Are you alright?" She asked quietly after several minutes.

"Fine." Jensen nodded and folded his arms over his chest and staring out the window. "Hey you know about last night I'm sorry I'm just kind of," he gestured awkwardly, trying to ignore some of the tension rolling through him.

"Don't worry about it," Tuesday smiled over at him and sighed softly.

They drove the rest of the way in silence and Jensen didn't even try to think of something to say. He was too wrapped up in the way things had taken a turn for the worst between Jared and himself in the last few days. Jensen couldn't shake the feeling that he was missing something. The pieces of the puzzle simply weren't adding up and it was driving Jensen crazy. He was so lost in thought he didn't even realize they had pulled up to set until Tuesday was outside his door, taping on the window. He looked up at her in surprise and pushed the door open, blushing slightly as he climbed out. "Sorry. I'm shit company today apparently. I promise on our next date things will be better."

Tuesday reached out and laid her hand across Jensen's cheek, smiling softly. "Oh Jen, I don't think there's going to be another date." She sighed and let her hand drop to his, leading him away from the lot to his trailer.

"What do you mean?" Jensen asked, surprised.

She looked over at him with a knowing smile, "We'll talk about it. Figure out something. But now, let's work of taking your mind off everything so you can be a bad ass Winchester okay?" Jensen simply nodded, unable to resist looking over his shoulder in attempt to find Jared.

Jared was on his way to Jensen's trailer to apologize for being a dick when he saw Tuesday grab his best friend's hand; he spun quickly and started walking toward his own trailer and went inside quickly. He didn't need any more examples of how _straight_ Jensen was; the universe was obviously trying to tell him something. He got into wardrobe quickly and headed over to make-up, not waiting for Jensen like he usually did. He justified it to himself by deciding he had no idea how long they'd be Jensen's trailer doing whatever it was they were doing. If the crew were surprised to see him show up by himself - no one said anything. Before he headed into the make-up trailer he stopped and pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and punched in a quick text to Mike.

 **Jared:** kno I said fri - you free tonight? Ice cream? My treat? - Jare  
 **Mike:** it's a date ;)  
 **Jared:** pick me up 8 - will be ready

Jared flipped his phone round in his hand and stuffed it back in his pocket, grinning, and headed inside.

Pulling open the trailer door, Jensen stepped in, eyes locking on Jared right away. Tuesday's words from moments before circled through his brain. _Talk to him._ He dragged his tongue across his lips and headed toward his usual seat, dropping into it with a sigh. "Hey Jared. Look I'm sorry about everything, all the awkward stuff and um, everything." He smiled softly, watching Jared with nervous eyes.

Jared smiled warmly and looked straight ahead at his mirror, watching as Karen sponged makeup onto his face. "Dude, don't worry about it. S'all good." And - Jared was determined that it would be. He wasn't going to risk losing Jensen's friendship over something as stupid as a crush. He was also pretty sure if he kept telling himself it was a crush - he might actually believe it soon.

"Okay awesome," Jensen nodded, and settled back for his own makeup. "So it's Tuesday night, media marathon night yeah? What will it be tonight? Romantic comedies? Comedies in general? No horror this time okay ‘cause I can really only take so much." He chuckled, eyes falling closed for a moment then lifting back up.

"Oh. Sorry - I just asked Mike out - my turn to ask," Jared grinned into the mirror and caught Jensen's eye. "I'm taking him for ice-cream. I forgot about movie night - maybe later this week?"

"You forgot movie night?" Jensen looked over at him, taken aback by the plummeting in his gut. It had to be the twelfth time that it happened in the last twenty four hours and Jensen really was getting fed up with it. A soft sigh left his lips and he picked at invisible hairs on his jeans. "We've had movie night for years," he said softly and cleared his throat before looking up at Jared. "But I. I guess it's good, that you've got a date. That's good. I can just do it alone."

Jensen wasn't making this whole _moving on_ thing any easier; when Jared saw the hurt look on Jensen's face his gut started to ache. "Why don't you ask Tuesday? Bet she'd like it." His heart was thumping a little too hard and little too fast and he scratched his neck. "I. Next week? Okay? I promise." If it would get the sad expression off Jensen's face Jared would have said yes to just about anything.

Forcing himself to nod, Jensen continued to stare down at his pants. It was pathetic; he shouldn't feel so sad that his best friend had a date. He should be happy for him. Jensen was a terrible friend. "Don't worry about it. You go and have fun. I don't mind hanging out by myself for a night. Lord knows I've got a million books to catch up on." He forced a chuckle and looked up to meet his eyes in the mirror.

Make-up finished, Jared spun in his chair and hopped up. "Okay, good - shall we get this show on the road?" He smiled at Jen and punched his gently on the shoulder.

"Sure." Jensen nodded and smiled up at Jared briefly before settling back to get the rest of his makeup finished.

Jensen was determined to be happy for his best friend. And he knew - or thought - that Jared would be concerned if he sat at home and did nothing all evening, so he called Tom and made plans. It would be good to talk to someone who knew a little more of Jared's side anyway, since the man didn't seem to want to talk to him. Before he left he headed up the stairs to Jared's room, once more finding the door shut and locked. In all the time living there Jared had never locked his door. Jensen hadn't locked his either. It stung his heart for some reason he couldn't quite figure out. With a soft sigh he rapped his knuckles on the hard wood twice before dropping his hand and staring down at the floor.

For someone who was straight and probably not at all interested in seeing Jared half-dressed, Jensen seemed to have quite a talent for showing up in the middle of Jared getting ready. He flipped his lock and yanked his door open wearing just his low-slung jeans and socks. "Hey - getting ready - come on in." He moved back to the closet and resumed his desperate search for the perfect t-shirt.

With wide eyes Jensen stared at Jared's bare chest and swallowed thickly. He'd probably seen it at least a hundred times on set and around the house but this time there was something different. Something that – unsurprisingly - Jensen couldn't put his finger on. He frowned and shook his head, hovering by the door frame. "I don't want to slow you down. Just wanted to wish you good luck tonight and all that. Gonna head over to Tom's and have some dinner. Maybe play some pool or something." Jensen wet his lips and tore his eyes from Jared's flesh, realizing with a bright blush that he had been staring.

Grinning Jared pulled two t-shirts out of the closet and held them up. "Dark blue or light green?"

"Dark blue brings out the color in your eyes,” Jensen smiled softly. "But then again, light green makes them more green. So I guess it depends on which... uh-" he cut himself off and blinked at Jared. "I vote blue."

"Okay," Jared pulled the shirt down over his head, "and thanks for the luck! I'll need it - I'm such an idiot sometimes. And, enjoy Tom's -sorry- I'm all over the place, nervous I guess." He smoothed the front of the t-shirt down and ran his hands through his shower-damp hair. "Do I look okay?"

Swallowing again Jensen nodded. "You look fantastic." He chuckled and stepped back into the hall, slapping the door frame. "See you later."

"Jen!" Jared grabbed his wallet and jacket and dashed out into the hall after Jensen and caught up to him downstairs. He skidded to a halt right behind Jensen, smiled and threw his arms around his friend, pressing up against Jensen's back and nuzzling into his hair. Laughing he squeezed him tight and picked him up off the ground then dropped him back down. "I'm excited - and I've missed hugging you." It felt nice to be his regular, crazy self around Jensen.

That gnawing in his gut returned full force and Jensen used his best acting skills to paste a smile on his lips. "I've missed it too." He nodded and continued down the stairs, rubbing at the back of his neck. "You have all rights to be excited; it's good, that you're getting out there and stuff. And that Mike makes you so happy." He nodded and this time the smile he gave Jared was genuine. "Have fun, don't eat too much ice cream or too fast, remember the killer brain freezes."

Laughing Jared swung his jacket up and slipped it on. "I'll remember." He heard a car honk outside, "he's here, see you later tonight." Throwing a last smile over his shoulder Jared darted out the door and waved to Mike. Pulling the door open Jared slid into the car and smiled warmly at Mike. "How you doing?"

"Great and you?" Mike asked with a bright smile, leaning over to peck Jared on the lips before looking out the window to Jensen who was heading to his car. "How did everything go last night? You two okay?"

"Ya know, it went surprisingly well - I mean - once I explained why you and Tom knew and he didn't." Jared's eyes wandered to Jensen's truck as he pulled out of the driveway. "He was pretty hurt about that and I really should have trusted him more." Jared buckled up his seat belt, "oh - and this morning I ran into his girlfriend in the kitchen, wearing one of Jensen's shirts - and I freaked a little." Jared pressed his lips together and stared at Mike. "Can we please talk about something else?"

"Absolutely," Mike nodded and started the car. "So where am I going?"

"Back towards the restaurant we were at but turn left at the fire station and head straight down to the waterfront." Jared glanced at Mike out of the corner of his eye. "You look really good tonight by the way." He smiled shyly.

Grinning brightly, Mike headed in the same direction as the night before. "Thank you. You look pretty amazing yourself. I'm glad you texted." He glanced over at Jared before looking back out the windshield.

"Well, I just kind of thought that I had to get my shit together - and I had a good time last night, you made me feel." Jared shrugged and looked out the window, “Anyway, I'm glad I texted too."

Mike understood exactly what Jared meant so he didn't question any further. As they headed into town he reached out to squeeze Jared's thigh encouragingly. "How was work today? Besides the unpleasant start."

Hesitating just a moment, Jared let his hand rest on Mike's. "It was good; I got to do this crazy stunt where I had to sort of launch off this trampoline and look like I got thrown right over the car. It was awesome - they let me do it a couple of extra times without filming." He turned back to Mike and flashed a happy smile. "Sometimes, it's nice to have a day that's more physical, less thinking." _Fewer scenes with Jensen, fewer reasons to be entirely too near him._

"I get that," Mike nodded and grinned. "Sounds like my kind of day. Have you ever sky dived? I've been trying to talk Tom into doing it for _years_ but he's too much of a pansy. You should go with me!"

Jared threw his head backed and laughed. "Tom's not a pansy - but he is scared of heights, which is pretty ironic now that I think about it." Jared laughed again and turned to look back out the window.

The ice cream place was even pinker than Jared remembered which resulted in a lot of laughing while they were trying to decide what flavours of ice cream to try. Jared naturally ended up with bubblegum and Mike settled on a much more classic chocolate. It was one of those warm Vancouver evenings and a beautiful breeze was blowing off the ocean, cool enough that Jared leaned in to Mike's warmth by the time they were crunching on the cones. Jared found that he relaxed more and more as he talked to Mike, each story, each joke made him realize that Mike was as great as he thought. There were a couple of times when Jared's thoughts wandered to Jensen - after all - the last time he'd stopped there for ice cream they were together. But - Jared just had to recall the image of Tuesday and Jensen walking hand and hand across the lot and it reminded him of why things were the way they were.

Soon - it was too chilly to sit near the water and Jared and Mike piled back into the car laughing and shivering. Mike made a lot of snide remarks about the weather and how no one should have to have the heat on in their car in September. It amused Jared, having come from Texas he was _well_ aware of how cold it got by the ocean. It felt like the night had gone by far too quickly and all too soon Mike was pulling up in front of Jared's place again.

"You want to come in for a bit? Jen's over at Tom's - and they always gab for half the night?" Jared looked up at Mike from under his lashes.

Mike answered by turning the key in the ignition and pulling it out. "I'd love too." He smiled at Jared and pushed open his door, crossing around the vehicle and waiting for Jared to join him on the walk up to the front door.

Jared opened the door and kicked off his shoes. "Can I bring the dogs in? Do you mind?"

"Not at all, I love those mutts." Mike grinned and followed Jared to the back door, kneeling to greet the dogs as they came barrelling inside. "Probably the two cutest dogs ever, if you don't mind me saying."

Smiling at Mike over the whirlwind of brown fur Jared felt his heart warm at Mike's words. He loved his dogs, which was no secret to anyone who knew Jared, but he could tell that Mike genuinely liked Harley and Sadie. Dogs were good judges of character. "Wanna go sit in the living room?" Harley chose that moment to knock Jared on his ass, chuckling, he held out his hand to Mike, "Help me up?"

Chuckling, Mike pushed up off the ground and held out his hand to Jared, tugging him up and flush against his body. They stayed that way for a moment before he leaned forward and brushed his lips against Jared's softly, waiting for any sign of whether this was okay or not. His hands came to rest on Jared's hips as he flicked his tongue across the soft silk of Jared's lower lip.

Jared let out a small gasp into Mike's mouth, then parted his lips and sucked gently on the other man's tongue, inviting more. His hand settled against Mike's chest, fingers curling into the material of his shirt.

Stepping into Jared's body, Mike let his hands slide up Jared's chest as he pressed his tongue further into Jared's mouth, sweeping in slow circles. His fingers curled around Jared's shoulders as he stepped them back to the couch.

The heat of Mike's mouth, his strong hands on Jared's shoulders, it was good. Jared's heart sped up; battering against his ribcage and when he bumped into the couch he lost his balance and sat down. Licking his lips Jared patted the couch beside him and as soon as Mike sat down, Jared was crashing his lips into Mike's. It wasn't the best kiss ever, a little too hard, their noses bumped and then with a slight tilt of Jared's head the kiss deepened and he moaned softly. Jared lost himself in the kiss, lashes resting on his flushed cheeks his hands ran up and down Mike's chest - loving the feel of his heat through the cool cotton of his shirt.

Mike's hands slid down Jared's chest once more, tucking under the hem of his shirt. He spread his fingers against warm skin and pushed the shirt up for more. Breaking the kiss, he pulled back to look into Jared's eyes, tugging up on the material in his grasp. "Can I...?"

Jared blinked his hair out of his eyes and nodded, shifted forward and lifted his arms so that Mike could pull the t-shirt up over his head. The cool air in the room made him all too aware that he was suddenly half naked and he shifted his arm across his chest self-consciously and bit down on his bottom lip.

"You don't have to hide, you're gorgeous," Mike grinned at him and reached down to tug of his own shirt. He shifted forward, pushing Jared toward the edge of the couch so he could spread his legs out before laying over him. He began a slow trail of kisses along Jared's chest, saying softly, "You just let me know if this is too much at any point okay?"

Nodding, and drawing in a shaky breath, Jared's arms snaked over Mike's back exploring the curves of his muscles. "S'good," he managed to whisper just as Mike's lips brushed softly over a nipple sending Jared's spine arching up off the couch.


	3. Chapter 3

When Jensen showed up at Tom’s there was a moving van out front, which made him frown in confusion and work a little quicker to shift his truck into park and pull the keys from the ignition. He knocked at the door that was open, peeking his head in and calling, “Tom? Jamie?”

“Hey Jen, come on in,” Tom rounded the corner with a large box, setting it on a pile in the front hall.

Jensen stepped in the room and looked at the pile of boxes. “I know this might be your last season but aren’t you moving a little soon?”

A faint blush crawled up along the man’s pale skin and Tom sighed. “They aren’t mine.”

“I think that’s the last of them,” Jamie said to as she came around the corner, talking to two men in moving suits that were following her. “Just those boxes there and we’re set. Oh hey Jensen.”

Jensen looked between the two of them with wide eyes. “Jamie? You’re moving, are you two…?”

Jamie smiled sadly and reached out to take Tom’s hand in hers. “Yeah, I’m moving out. It’s just, something that happened. As things often do.”

“Hey Jensen why don’t you wait in the kitchen, help yourself to a beer, I’ll be right back,” Tom gestured to the kitchen and Jensen took his cue, pausing to give Jamie a hug before giving them their space.

His heart hurt for his friend. He hadn’t even realized things were bad between them, at least he knew Tom had never mentioned it. When the man stepped into the kitchen fifteen minutes later, there was the distinct glint of tears on his cheeks. “Tom,” He said softly and opened his arms. Hugging Tom was a lot like hugging Jared. They were the same height and about the same build. Tom smelled minty and Jared smelled like soap and something distinctly his own.

“Don’t worry, it’s really for the best,” Tom said as he pulled back and smoothed his hands down his pant legs. “You know, sometimes you can still love a person and it just, doesn’t work.”

“Is there someone else?” Jensen asked, sipping from his beer and leaning back against the counter to watch Tom pull a beer from the fridge.

Waiting until after he’d drained half the bottle, Tom sighed and shrugged. “It’s, more complicated than that. Neither of us was unfaithful though. We just sat down and discussed things and it was for the best.” He gestured with his beer bottle and Jensen followed him out of the room to the living room, sitting on the couch with him. “So how are things with you? Didn’t expect to see you again so soon.”

“Well,” Jensen turned the bottle in his hands and spent a few minutes trying to find adequate words to describe the last few days. “I found out Jared was gay yesterday, saw him kissing Mike.”

“Oh…” Tom flinched and reached out to lay a hand on Jensen’s arm. “I’m sorry I never said anything Jen, just you know, Jared wanted it to stay between us. That’s probably not how he wanted you to find out.”

“No I wouldn’t think so,” Jensen shook his head and smiled at Tom. “It’s alright. I know he was worried I’d freak. Which is ridiculous but really, I can see his concern. Us being roommates and all. If I had freaked, it wouldn’t have been so good.”

Tom nodded and took his hand back, bringing the beer to his lips and taking a long pull. “So you saw them kissing huh?”

“Yeah, guess they had a date.” Jensen shrugged and shifted back into the couch. “It was pretty,” Jensen was going to say ‘bad’ then realized that it didn’t make sense.

Tom stared at him until Jensen lifted his gaze from the beer bottle and glanced up. “Are you sure you’re okay with Jared being gay?”

“Of course.” Jensen wet his lips. “Mike? Really? What does he see in Mike?”

“Mike’s a great guy,” Tom offered and his gaze narrowed. “You don’t want him seeing Mike?”

“I don’t want him seeing anyone.” Jensen said the words before he even realized they were coming. Eyes widening, he turned to look at Tom. “Forget that. Of course I want him seeing someone. I want Jared to be happy and I have no right to even think…”

Tom laughed and shook his head. “You’re something else sometimes Jen.” Falling into silence for a few minutes, Jensen considered what he’d said and how it was true. Though he had no idea why.

“So, you’re jealous.”

It was a statement and Jensen sputtered over it, shaking his head rapidly in denial. “No way. I mean, if I were it’s only because Mike’s likely to keep Jared really busy and we won’t get to spend time together like before.”

“And having Tuesday in your life wouldn’t make that happen?”

“She’s not.” Jensen sank back into the couch. “We’re not together. It’s not, going to happen.”

“Oh I’m sorry to hear that.” Tom said sympathetically.

Jensen shrugged. “I guess it’s for the best. She’s sweet and all but, well after what I saw last night I had her come over and we were, _things_ were about to happen and I couldn’t…” Jensen waved his hand about, hoping Tom would pick up the pieces.

He did, and shifted in his seat to glance around the room before speaking, “Really? Why not?”

“I don’t know. The whole Jared thing was on my mind and I just, couldn’t.” Jensen shrugged and didn’t mention that all he could think about while kissing Tuesday was Jared kissing Mike. Whatever the fuck _that_ meant.

“Jensen, I’m going to suggest something and hear me out okay? I don’t want you freaking out.” Tom looked at him for confirmation before continuing. “Did you ever think that maybe you might have feelings for Jared? That you’re jealous because _you_ wanted to be the one to date him?”

Jensen stared at him with a slack jaw. “Are you kidding me? One, Jared’s my best friend and it’s not like that and two, I’m straight! Which kind of puts a damper on your theory.”

Tom shrugged. “Alright fine, like I said, don’t freak. It was just a thought. Think about it.” He smiled and pushed off the couch. “Come on, let’s go get some pizza.”

Jensen stood and followed him. Though they said no more on the subject, it was the only thought to plague his brain for the remainder of the evening. Tom was so wrong it wasn’t even funny. Just because Jensen wanted to spend every moment of his free time with Jared, or needed his opinion on everything he did, or thought about him more than anyone else in his life, did _not_ mean he was in love with the man. It was ridiculous.

He scoffed over it, shaking his head as he drove home. There was no way. Jensen was straight. And just because he liked when Jared touched him, or was hurt more than he was willing to admit about Jared keeping something secret from him, that was just a best friend thing. Loads of best friends shared all their secrets. And touched. There was nothing abnormal about that.

Still, the sigh that left his lips when he saw Mike’s car outside the house as he pulled up was more than annoyed. He walked slowly up to the door, trying not to think about Jared with Mike or the ludicrous idea that he felt something other than friendship for the man.

The door was still unlocked so Jensen pushed it open easily, silently dropping his keys into the dish and kicking off his shoes. Harley and Sadie came over to greet them and he rubbed along the top of their hands for a moment, resolutely not looking over at the staircase. He headed toward the living room, figuring he’d try to catch up on some news or something before turning in – and telling himself he wasn’t waiting to see what time Mike would be leaving. Only as he rounded the corner he found himself staring at the two half naked forms of Mike and Jared, locked together in a _very_ compromising position.

Everything around him tilted oddly as he caught sight of Jared’s flushed face, heard his soft moan as his head tilted back to give Mike more access to his skin. Jensen thought he was going to be sick and he forced himself to move, crossing to his room and slamming the door with more force than he should have. The house rang around him and he leaned against the hard wood, panting softly. A moment later he realized he was actually turned on, tight heat pressing against the front of his jeans. He tried to close his eyes and will it away but all he could see was Jared, head thrown back, body arched. “Fuck.” He hissed and lifted his head off the door only to slam it back down with enough force to cause an instant ache.

The bang of Jensen's door shutting startled Jared and he blinked a few times, bleary eyed and panting as he pushed against Mike's chest gently. "God, that was Jen." Muscles still quivering with pleasure, Jared moaned softly as Mike's lips left his neck. The other man's skin was so warm and smooth and Jared could have moved his hands over Mike's body all night, but, _Jensen._ Jared blew out a long breath against Mike's cheek and then pressed their foreheads together. "Mike, I, we shouldn't, I should have taken you up to my room."

With a thick sigh Mike murmured, "Yeah we should have, we still could?" He suggested, though he sounded as if he already knew the answer.

"Mike, I would _really_ love to," Jared kissed Mike's bottom lip slowly, "but this is my fault, Jensen just found out yesterday, and I should, I dunno. I'm not going to apologize, maybe just make sure he's okay?"

"Probably for the best," Mike nodded and pressed a lingering kiss to Jared's lips before climbing back. He stood for a moment, eyes scanning the floor until he found their shirts. He pulled his own on after tossing Jared's at him, a smile on his lips. "Next time we'll be in your room."

Jared chuckled softly as he stood up. " _Next_ time we'll go to _your_ place." He reached out a hand and cupped Mike's cheek. "Call me soon?" He knew he was blushing but he didn't care.

"I will," Mike confirmed and leaned in for a final kiss. "Good luck." He smiled reassuringly before heading for the door.

Jared followed Mike to the door, t-shirt in hand. "Hey," he said as he caught up to him. He pulled Mike into his arms and brushed their lips together one last time. "Drive safe," he said, smiling warmly.

With a bright grin Mike nodded. "Yeah I will, talk to you later." He waved over his shoulder as he headed down the walkway, casting a final glance at Jared before slipping into the driver’s seat and starting the car.

As the door clicked shut Jared took a deep breath and let his forehead bang softly against the door. He had a feeling this wasn't going to go very well. Turning with a groan Jared padded over to Jensen's door and knocked softly. "Jen?"

Jensen stiffened against the hard wood of the door. He definitely shut the door too loud. The churning in his stomach was still too strong and the heat pooling in his crotch was still there and Jensen really wasn't sure if he could handle this conversation now. But he knew Jared wouldn't go away that easily so he sighed and rolled to the right, curling his fingers around the door knob and tugging it open slightly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to break, uh." His eyes cast quickly across Jared's form before he forced a smile. "Sorry."

Jared was relieved when the door opened. "Jen, I'm _so_ sorry. It was really thoughtless of me - us - to be, there. I didn't think you'd be back so soon." As he moved forward Jared held out his hand and slipped his finger over Jensen's shoulder. "Forgive me?" He frowned, Jensen didn't look very well. "Hey - are you alright?" Jared's hand slid up to Jensen's cheek, his thumb rubbing the other man's cheek gently.

It hit him like a jolt, like a punch in his gut, and Jensen sucked in a sharp breath and stepped back from Jared's touch. _I'm in love with Jared_. He blinked at his best friend rapidly for a moment before nodding and turning away, crossing the room and trying to sound as casual as possible. "Yeah I'm, I'm fine. It's just been a weird night. Did you know Tom and Jamie are getting a divorce? When I got there she was moving out." He walked to his desk, fiddling with the items on the surface just to have something to distract him from the glaring dose of reality that had just come crashing in on him. Tom was right. The bastard.

"Jen?" Jared's hand hung in the air where Jensen had stood moments before. He blinked a few times and let his hand fall to his side, "Jen? I, are you sure you're okay?" Jared walked over to Jensen's bed and sat down, tossing his t-shirt on the bed behind him. "I mean, I would totally get it if you were mad at me, it was disrespectful. I mean I just told you yesterday..."

"Not mad," Jensen shook his head and shoved his hand into his jean pocket to pull out his wallet and drop it on the surface. "Your house, you should be allowed to do what you want. I'm just tired, and sore, and we have an early call." He shrugged and forced himself to turn and smile at Jared.

"Wait, Tom's getting a divorce?" Jensen's words were all starting to sink in. "He didn't say anything to me."

"Me either," Jensen sighed and folded his arms across his chest. "Didn't even say much about it when I asked. I'm sure it's a real tough thing, and you know how Tom is, always about the positive and stuff. He doesn't like to dwell on the negative stuff for too long."

"That's, that's awful." It always upset Jared when relationships ended, maybe it was because he could remember so clearly how he felt when things were over with Sandy, or, because he'd spent so much time hoping for a relationship that would never exist. "Well, I mean, I guess if he's feeling positive about it - that's - wow." Jared looked down at the floor for a few moments. "I should give him a call tomorrow." He looked up at Jensen, "things have gotten kind of crazy haven't they?"

Jensen snorted. "You could say that again." He sighed and rubbed at the back of his neck in a gesture that he'd done so many times the last few days his skin was actually a little sore. "Look, I should probably get to bed. All my muscles are just spent and well..." he lifted his shoulders, rolling them slightly and casting his eyes around the room, anywhere but at Jared. He didn't know how to deal with this new ache in his heart, not now that he had a name for it   
Jared smiled and tugged Jensen's sheets down. "Hop in - and let me rub your back - it's obviously bothering you. I don't mind." He so desperately wanted thing to be back to normal; just something that they would have done any other night.

The sudden idea of Jared's hands on him, rubbing him in a way they'd shared so many times before, had him flushing and his heart beat quickening. How had he not _seen_ this before? It was so obvious. He swallowed thickly and shook his head. There was no way he could handle that. He'd probably end up jumping Jared and everything would spiral out of control and the next thing he knew he'd be on the street and be single handily responsible for the end of Supernatural. Not a good idea. "That's okay. I, it's best, I think, um... no. Thank you though. I just want to get some sleep."

Running a hand threw his hair; Jared pushed up quickly and stumbled forward. "I'm sorry." His eyes were stinging, and he had that sinking feeling back. Jensen didn't want Jared touching him anymore, and stupid as it was, that was the worst thing... the _worst_ feeling. Blinking back tears Jared smiled softly at Jensen, "I, didn't mean to make you feel weird. I just always give you..." his voice faltered and he turned and walked towards the door. "I really am sorry, Jen. Goodnight," he pushed through the door and moved quickly through the living room and up the stairs to his room closing the door quietly behind him.

Jensen stared at the spot Jared had just been for a long moment. He knew the words he said hurt Jared, that much was obvious, and he thought he should probably go tell the man that it really didn't bother him. But then he'd have to explain about these feelings and... downfall of the world he knew and loved so much. Obviously that couldn't happen. So he simply closed his bedroom door, hesitating for a moment before turning the lock. Jensen stripped to just his boxers and flipped off the lights before climbing in to bed, a little surprised to find Jared's scent lingering there. "Shit." He whispered and felt the prick of tears along his eyes as he buried himself in his pillow and tried to make it all go away.

Jared was already in the car when Jensen managed to drag himself outside, which wasn’t all that surprising because Jared had always been more of a morning person than him. Only he was sitting in the front seat beside Cliff - who looked pretty confused by the arrangement himself - and didn’t even glance back at Jensen when he pulled open the door and climbed in. Most of the day went the same way. Every time Jensen tried to start a conversation Jared bounced off to someone else, greeting them with big hugs and bright smiles. Each time it happened Jensen watched with a sinking in his gut. Somehow he was managing to fuck everything up without even saying anything, which may have been part of the problem but he didn't want to go down that path.

Finally he made the decision to talk to Jared in the evening, only when he stepped out of his trailer it was to find Tuesday waiting, saying Jared had finished early and had Cliff drive him home. For the first time in the years they'd lived together, Jared didn't wait for him. This was about the time Jensen couldn't fight back the tears and he spilled the whole complicated story to Tuesday who simply nodded and listened and acted like she'd known all along. Somehow she managed to convince him to sit down and actually talk to Jared, insisting that as his best friend he would understand.

It was easier said than done. When he got home Jared was gone - along with the dogs - but Mike's car was in the driveway. Jensen spent the rest of the night in his room, only coming out once to get food and then neither man were to be seen though the dogs greeted him with thumping tails and bright eyes. Jensen decided to skip the food and ignore the fact that he knew where Mike and Jared were.

The rest of the week was just as bad to the point where the only words they shared were in character. Jensen was more surprised than he probably should be that they could continue to act together. Then again it didn’t hurt that things were still tense between Sam and Dean, actually only made their acting stronger. And when Friday evening arrived and Jensen had to face the idea of spending the whole weekend buried in his room with Mike and Jared the floor above him doing things that Jensen didn't even want to _dream_ of - but couldn't help it - Jensen reached a decision. This wasn't going to work. He had it bad for Jared and every passing moment made him realize it. In fact, the longer he thought on it, the more he realized that he couldn't even pin point when it started. Like maybe he'd always been in love with Jared and just never realized that it translated to more than just being best friends and roommates and co stars.

Jensen sighed slightly in relief as Tuesday pulled up to the house and Mike's car wasn't there.

He stared out the window for a long moment, thinking of all the fond moments shared between them and how very much he missed that, before saying a soft goodbye and climbing out of the car. Each step felt weighted and Jensen walked like a man condemned. He tried to tell himself this was for the best, that he would move out and things could slowly go back to normal between Jared and him. Jensen knew he could be okay with loving Jared and never having that returned as long as Jared was part of his life.

When he stepped inside the dogs were quick to come and greet him and he rubbed both their heads fondly as he dropped his keys into the bowl and kicked off his shoes. He was going to miss this, the life he'd grown so accustomed to. Sighing softly he headed to the living room - not really that surprised to not find Jared there - before turning and heading back up the stairs to Jared's room. This time he didn't even try the knob, simply raised his hand and forced himself to knock.

Jared started and almost dropped his book when he heard the knock on his door. He was half tempted to just ignore it but it was obvious he was home or the dogs wouldn't be inside the house. "Fuck," his voice was soft, tired; he rolled out of bed and stepped into his jeans tugging them on. The last thing he wanted was to freak Jensen out even more by answering the door in his boxers. It made him sad that just such a short time ago he wouldn't have even thought about it, but then, his door would never have been locked.

Shuffling over to the door, weary, anxious, he flipped the lock and opened the door standing there with his arms folded protectively across his chest. "Hey."

Jensen was completely unprepared for Jared to be shirtless and he stared at the bare chest for a moment before forcefully dragging his eyes up. He'd never seen Jared's eyes so cold, directed at him. Jensen could feel his heart shattering even more and it sucked more than he'd admit. "Hi." He whispered the word and dragged his tongue across his lips, shuffling his feet. "Look Jared. I, I don't know about you but I'm pretty fed up with all this, this is your home and we're completely dancing around each other and it, sucks."

Jared's shoulders sagged a little and he dropped his arms. He was really glad Jensen had come to talk to him, he'd been hoping that they could just sit down and talk things out like they always had and maybe this would be the start of that. "It does suck," he muttered as he pushed the door open and walked back over to his bed to sit down.

Wetting his lips once more, Jensen forced himself to cross the threshold into Jared's room. He stopped beside the bed and gestured. "Do you mind? Can I, sit?"

"Yeah, of course," Jared shifted and turned to face the spot where Jensen was sitting. "So?" He didn't know how to start, how to tell Jensen that the last while had been wretched and he'd spent half of every day aching so badly inside because he missed his friend.

"So." Jensen sighed and stared down at his hands. "I noticed Mike's been coming over a lot and I think you feel like you two can't be out in the open because I. Look I don't have a problem with you being gay okay? I mean that. It's just, my own thing and I have to deal with that but I don't want you to feel like you have to hide so I think it might be best if I just, move out." He inhaled sharply, a little out of breath at the words that tumbled so quickly from his lips. Tears pricked along his eyes and he stared hard at his hands, willing them away.

Jared felt like someone had yanked the world right out from under him. He had wanted to believe he was wrong, since that night Jensen had seen he and Mike on the couch, the first night Jensen sent Jared away - he'd wanted to believe it would just fix itself. They'd fought before - stupid things - and always managed to work it out, fix things, their friendship always meant more than the stupid stuff that came between them. And now? Now, Jensen wouldn't touch Jared, wouldn't talk to him - hell - even now, sitting next to him Jensen couldn't even look at him. He made Jared feel worthless, wrong, just some fucked up thing that Jensen didn't want to be around. He could feel a sob building inside him, his vision blurred and he didn't want Jensen to see how much his words had hurt him. "Get out."

Jensen's eyes shot up in surprised and he blinked at Jared. "Wh- what?"

"Get out, leave me alone-" The last word caught in Jared's throat and he felt his tears spill hot and wet over his cheeks.

This was not going at all like Jensen had planned and he knew he'd just fucked up everything between them. He stared at Jared for a long moment, torn between what to do. Wetting his lips, his mind snapped to a decision a moment later. _Might as well, since I've already screwed everything else up, at least I'll know what it feels like._ Without another moment of hesitation Jensen slid quick across the mattress and pressed his lips against Jared's, hand coming up to curl into the man's hair and hold him there just long enough for his tongue to dart out and sweep across silky smooth lips. His heart lurched with the thrill of it but he pulled back quickly, jumping off the bed and preparing himself for the explosion he was sure was moments from raining down on him.

Jared's heart skipped a beat when Jensen's lips met his; his hands flew to Jensen's chest, pushing him away even as he leapt off the bed. "D..Don't. Don't ever do that." Jared's hands were shaking. He'd spent the last three years dreaming about Jensen kissing him, imagining those full soft lips pressed against his and it had finally happened and Jared just felt sick. He ran the back of his hand across his mouth and stumbled up from the bed and shoved Jensen's shoulder roughly. "Please. Get out - leave me alone," he swiped at the tears on his face, "please if you were _ever_ my friend, just get out."

Tears streamed from Jensen's eyes and he stared at Jared in shock. He had known kissing him was a risk but he'd never thought that Jared would reject him so vehemently. He wasn't really certain that his legs could work but he couldn't stand there any longer and let the feeling of his heart shattering consume him. "I'm so... so sorry Jared." The name broke on a sob and he forced himself to turn. "I just. I'm so... _fuck_." He gasped the word and stumbled blindly toward the door, hand extended to keep from running into anything and making a bigger idiot of himself. "I thought, I was stupid, I thought you might feel, thought you might love..." Inhaling sharply to try and gain control of his rapid breathing, he stopped just long enough to whisper. "I'll be gone as quick as I can," before darting out of the room. He nearly stumbled on the steps, barely catching himself on the railing before his feet slid out from under him and he fell the last two steps. A loud sob worked its way up his system as he landed hard on the wooden floor and all he could see when he closed his eyes was Jared wiping the taste of him away as if it were the most disgusting thing that could have happened to him.

Jared was standing frozen to the spot when he heard what sounded horrifyingly like Jensen falling down the stairs. His body was well ahead of his mind as he bolted out of his room and down the stairs to where Jensen was lying at the bottom of the stairs. He almost fell down the last few stairs himself, his legs shaky and he dropped to his knees by Jensen so hard he was sure they'd be bruised later. "Jen? Are you okay?" His hands hovered over Jensen's shoulders for a few moments then settled there, gently as he ducked down trying to get Jensen to look at him.

"No. Yes. No," Jensen shook his head and looked up at Jared through blurry eyes. "My ass is fine, it's just the rest of me..." He swallowed thickly and pushed himself up, forcing himself to remain in control of his hay wire emotions before he burst into sobs again. There would be plenty of time for all the pathetic crying once he was secure inside his bedroom. Lower lip trembling, Jensen ducked his head down and stepped around Jared. "Sorry." He mumbled softly as he walked by.

Jared spun on his heel and followed Jensen, "w..what are you doing?"

"Leaving you alone. Getting out. What you asked me to do." Jensen said softly, continuing his slow steps toward his room.

"You never listen to me." Jared stared at Jensen's back willing him to turn back.

Jensen swallowed thickly and spun around to face Jared. "What do you mean I never listen? Because I'm fairly certain that's what you said. I don't think I would forget it, not with the way you looked at me like I just punched you and not... kissed you." The words weren't as heated as he would have liked them to be but Jensen hadn't reached the angry stage yet, was still stuck on hurt.

Jared flinched, the sting of Jensen's words too much after everything else. "Y..You've been ignoring me for days, you just took your friendship _away_ from me without even caring what I thought. And you wouldn't let me touch you," he bit down on his bottom lip trying to stop it from trembling. "Not to mention you're dating someone and Mike..." his voice softened, "Mike." He tilted his head and stared at Jensen like he expected him to have all the answers.

"First of all," Jensen exhaled slowly, trying to decide which topic to correct first. "I'm not dating anyone. Never have been. Second, I was _never_ ignoring you, you were ignoring me! I tried all the time to get you to talk to me and you wouldn't! And I never took our friendship away, the only reason I didn't let you give me that massage is because I'm so fucking in love with you I didn't think I could keep my hands _off_ you if you touched me like that and I knew you had Mike." His eyes widened as the confession fell from his lips and he stepped back, not ready for another wave of rejection. "And you do, have Mike, so forget it okay? Forget all of this stupid shit."

Jared stumbled back a few steps holding up his hand to stop Jensen from talking. "Why couldn't you have said that before?" Jared felt like he was going to throw up. He'd finally moved on, put his feelings for Jensen behind him and here he was listening to the man telling him he _loved_ him. Jared turned too quickly, tripped and fell to one knee before managing to clamber back to his feet and head for the stairs.

"Jared!" Jensen called, heading after him and curling his fingers around Jared's arm to stop him. "Would it have made a difference? Would you... do you..." He stared at Jared's profile, heart picking up speed in anticipation.

Closing his eyes Jared let himself be stopped but he couldn't turn and face Jensen. When he spoke it was almost a whisper. "Jen, I've loved you, for years? I don't even know anymore - now it's just like something that's always been there - like - I just never felt any other way." He took in a shuddering breath, "but, I, I spent all this time, _all_ this time trying to get over you - I met Mike -and Tom said I shouldn't wait around - so I took him for ice cream because she was in your shirt. Jen - you weren't dating her - but she was half naked in the kitchen when I came down." Jared sniffed, his hand moving slowly back to touch Jensen's hip. "I don't know what to do - tell me what to do." He finally turned, tear filled eyes locking with Jensen's.

"She came over because I was so thrown by seeing you with Mike I needed someone to talk to." Jensen said softly, biting his lower lip and breathing deep through his nose. "But we never. There was no- all I could see was you. And then the pieces just clicked together." He let his hand fall from Jared and he stepped back slightly. "I want to be with you, kiss you, -touch you. But I... I understand, if it- if it's too lat-" he caught on the word, not quite able to get it out. He didn't really understand how it could be too late, how he could have come so close to having something so great only to lose it before it even happened. But, well, this was Jared. And he wasn't going to stand in the way of something that made Jared happy. Even if that was Mike.

Jared was still stuck on _be with you, kiss you, touch you_. He took a step closer to Jensen, his fingers still resting lightly on Jensen's hip. "How do you know - that - you really feel this? I mean," he looked down into Jensen's glassy, green eyes, "what if it's just something that you'll get over. Then what happens to me?" He felt another tear slip down his cheek. "Jen, I can take a lot of things - but if you say that to me - if you were to mean it and I lost you I don't think I could survive."

"I don't think there's any getting over you Jared," Jensen said softly, reaching up to slide his finger over the tears on Jared's face. "I've spent a lot of time now thinking. About you, and us, about how I feel, hell even about how I'm supposed to be this straight guy who doesn't fall in love with his male best friend. And you know what keeps coming up?" He waited until Jared's eyes met his before continuing. "I keep thinking about the moments when I'm happiest, happier than I've ever been in my entire life, and those are always with you. Before I met you, I was just... functioning, doing this and that and getting by and then you came along and I've never laughed so much, smiled so much, _felt_ so much. You bring out everything that's best in me and I can't even entertain the idea of you not being around one day. And then there's the fact that I _need_ you. I didn't even know it until this week. I don't even know who I am without you." He let his fingers smooth along Jared's face for a moment before he dropped his hand and smiled softly up at him. "That was really cheesy wasn't it?"

Jared leaned in and captured Jensen's mouth in a long slow kiss; his tongue slipped across Jensen's bottom lip then pushed tentatively into his mouth, hot, sweet and wet. Both of Jared's hands settled against Jensen's chest grabbing up handfuls of his shirt as he pulled back slightly, lips hovering just over Jensen's. "Sorry," he murmured, breath ghosting over Jensen's lips.

"Don't apologize," Jensen breathed before stepping in and crushing their lips together. He wrapped his arms around Jared, holding him close as his tongue slid out to meet Jared's. He could have easily lost himself in the kiss, pushed Jared up against the wall and learned what else there was for them, but he resisted the urge. After a moment he pulled back and rested his forehead against Jared's. "I think, if you want this as much as I do, you should talk to Mike." He smiled softly and lifted up his head to meet Jared's eyes. "Because Mike really is a great guy and I don't want to be a home wrecker."

As the words rolled over him Jared closed his eyes. All he could smell was Jensen, his shampoo, soap, the faint smell of cologne and still he was overwhelmed by a feeling of guilt. What was he doing to Mike? What would he say? He stepped closer to Jensen, burying his face in his friend's neck. "You're right - and I want to talk to him, before, you and I talk any more. Will you wait for me? Please don't move out. Just give me a bit of time?"

Swallowing thickly, Jensen nodded and curled his arms around Jared's shoulders, holding him close even though his body shook. "Yeah, I'll wait. But can I ask a favour?" He rested his head against Jared's chest, not even realizing how much he missed being in Jared's arms until this moment here. He made no move to step back, just soaked in Jared's warmth and fought back the desire to bring their lips together once more.

Jared slid his hand over the back of Jensen's hair, fingers moving through soft curls. "Yeah, anything..." he tightened his arms, breathing Jensen in.

"Can we hang out tonight? Or I mean, unless you and Mike already-" Jensen sighed shakily. "I miss you."

"I miss you too." That band that had been around Jared's chest, for days, maybe weeks loosened its hold finally and he felt like he could breathe deeply for the first time. He pressed his lips against Jensen's hair and tightened his grip. "I _really_ miss you."

They stayed that way for a stretch of time that Jensen didn't try to measure with seconds or minutes. Jared felt so _right_ in his arms. Jensen thought he might be able to stay that way for the rest of the night and be content. He wanted to ask when Jared would speak to Mike, but didn't want to break the moment. So instead he rubbed his head against Jared's shoulder and sighed softly. "I'm sorry for all the stupid things I did."

Jared slid his hands to Jensen's shoulders and pushed him back a little bit. "None of it was stupid - we just - I should have been honest with you from the start. I just couldn't stand the thought of losing our friendship." He paused, lifting his hand and running a finger along Jensen's bottom lip. "Promise me, no matter what - we stay friends." His eyes burned into Jensen's, waiting.

"No matter what," Jensen nodded, trailing his tongue over the flesh Jared had just touched. He stared into Jared's eyes, swallowing before stepping forward. With their lips just inches apart, he forced himself to stop, breathing in sharply. "Okay. I should probably go over there," he gestured toward the couch, eyes darting between Jared's eyes and lips.

"You should?" Jared inhaled the soft scent of Jensen's hair and held his breath as though that would glue their bodies together for a few more minutes. "You should," but he didn't loosen his grip; he laughed softly instead, "I can't let go."

"I really don't want you too," Jensen said softly and let his head fall to Jared's neck, figuring it was best to just wrap his arms around Jared before he brought their lips together once more. "Maybe we could just hold each other for awhile? Make up for all the touches we lost out on in this past week? Or you could call..." he wet his lips and trailed off, pressing a kiss to the expanse of Jared's neck nearest him.

A shiver moved through Jared's body starting right under the silken flesh of Jensen's lips. His hands slid down Jensen's back, firm- and strong until the tips of his fingers tucked into the waistband of his jeans; the skin was hot and Jared took in a shuddering breath.

Jensen opened his mouth to say... well he wasn't very certain what he was going to say but he figured the words would come once got something out. Only he didn't get there due to a loud knock at the door that had him jumping back, eyes wide. He stared at Jared for a moment before laughing and shaking his head. "I swear I'm not paranoid." He snorted and headed toward the door, turning the lock and pulling it open. "Hey Tom, what's up?"

"Not much, is Jared here?" Tom asked, stepping in when Jensen pulled the door back for him. "Hey are you alright? Your eyes are all red and puffy."

"I'm, great." Jensen smiled softly and gestured across the room. "And there's Jared."

"Oh." Tom frowned, taking in Jared's shirtless form and looking back at Jensen's ragged appearance. "Uh, hi."

Jared was suddenly entirely too aware that he wasn't wearing a shirt. He swung his arms at his sides, then pressed his teeth against his bottom lip and jammed his hands in his pockets. "Tom, hi."

"How's it going?" Tom asked, shifting from one foot to another and glancing between the boys. Jensen could tell from the look on his face that he was struggling to put together the pieces of the puzzle and figure out exactly what he was walking in to.

"We were just, talking." Jensen said and blinked at them, momentarily wide eyed. That probably wasn't going to help things. "Tom did you want a beer?"

Jared pulled a hand out of his pocket long enough to wave towards the couch. "Sit?" His eyes flicked to Jensen's and then back to Tom's quickly.

"Okay yeah, beer would be good too," Tom nodded and watched Jensen head to the kitchen before stepping toward the couch and dropping down. "Jared I actually came to talk to you about... Mike. And um, well I guess you can decide if you want Jensen here for that or whatever." He shrugged, looking up a moment later when Jensen returned with three beers.

"Here you go," Jensen handed one to Tom before crossing to Jared and hovering there, inches apart. He met Jared's eyes as he held up the beer. "Thought you might want one too."   
Jared's hand curled around the beer, his fingers sliding through Jensen's as he took it. His free hand fluttered up to his face and he brushed his hair back and he took a step back and turned to sit on the couch beside Tom. "How you doing, Tom?"

Tom watched Jensen consider the space on the couch beside Jared before crossing to the other chair in the room and sinking down into it. He blinked slowly at them before twisting off the cap from his beer and sipping it slowly. "I'm fine, or well. You know, dealing." He shrugged and wet his lips. "And how are things here?"

"Good, good," Jared smiled and looked over at Jensen, forearms resting across his thighs. He looked down at his beer for a few moments, "Jen told me about you and Jamie. I'm really sorry man." He glanced at Tom.

"Thanks." Tom nodded and picked at the label on his beer. "But it's okay. It's been a long time coming I think," He shrugged and sipped from his bottle. "So about the reason I came over here... regarding Mike."

Jensen cleared his throat and looked at Jared. "You want me to step out? I can just, wait in my room." Jensen gestured over his shoulder and smiled softly at Jared.

Jared shrugged a shoulder. “It's okay with Tom - so I don't mind you staying. We're all... friends." Jared felt his face flush, and looked down letting his hair fall forward over his face.

"Okay," Tom dragged out the word and looked between them. "I kind of get the feeling that I may have missed something, but well, um... we'll talk about that later." He sighed and shifted on the couch, looking at Jared. "I'm not really sure how much Mike told you about our, history. Not that there's much to tell. Has he said anything?"

Jared leaned back into the couch, _Mike_. "Ah, yeah - about his feelings for you. We talked about it a lot." He nodded his head toward Jensen, "we... uh, I was dealing with a similar situation. He's a good man." His eyebrows dipped into a small frown, "has something happened to Mike?"

Tom eyed Jensen to gauge his reaction then turned back to Jared. "No, nothing's happened to Mike. Though there's a bit more to a story than what he's said. About a year ago we, there was some, kissing..." Tom waved his hand around to distract from the blush crawling across his cheeks. "It was, pretty bad."

"The kissing?" Jensen asked, smiling softly when Tom looked up at him quickly.

"No, not the kissing, the downfall afterward," Tom sighed and shifted back into the couch. "We got into a big fight, didn't speak for months, even now the tension’s still pretty thick. Of course I've had to deal with all these new, feelings. And yeah, it's taken me over a year to sort it out and well, well now Jamie's gone." He wet his lips and stared down at the couch.

Eyes widening Jared turned on the couch so he could see Tom clearly. "There was kissing?" He didn't mean to sound quite as surprised as he did. "And then it didn't work out..." His eyes moved to Jensen's as his lips pressed into a thin line.

"I was married Jared." Tom looked at Jared with wide eyes. "It's not like I was going to leave my wife because Mike and I kissed." He sipped from his beer quietly for a few moments before going on. "Only it wasn't that easy I guess. Everything changed after we kissed, though it took me awhile to see it and now it's most likely too late. But I couldn't lead Jamie on anymore."

"Are you trying to tell us that you're in love with Mike?" Jensen asked softly, resolutely keeping his eyes fixed on Tom.

Tom looked surprised at the words and spent the next few moments peeling off the sticker from the beer bottle in his grip. He rolled the paper between his fingers, staring at it as he answered. "Yes."

Jared choked on a mouthful of beer. "You what?" It was like some sort of weird shriek and not at all the way he intended it to sound. He was still wiping beer off his chin when he looked over at Jensen, shocked, his heart racing.

"Don't worry Jared I wouldn't, I'm not, I know you two are together and I don't want to ruin that." Tom lifted his hand toward Jared, looking over at Jensen with confused eyes who simply shrugged and drank from his own beer. "I didn't come over here to, I just wanted to talk. And I um, are you okay?"

"Is who okay? What?" Jared stood up and paced across the room, long legs carrying him around the room. "This is ridiculous," he barked out a laugh, eyes moving quickly from Tom to Jensen then back again. He paced some more, stopped once as if he was going to say something then started moving again, finally throwing up his hands, "I got nothin'." He threw himself back down on the couch, slopping beer on his bare chest.

Tom's eyes widened as he watched Jared. "Alright, I don't even know what to make of your reaction." He shook his head. "I thought you'd be, actually I have no idea how I thought you'd be. Jensen?"

Jensen shrugged and glanced over at Jared. "I feel for you Tom, and well, I have no idea." There were about a million other things he could say but he didn't even know where to begin and not enough had been discussed between Jared in him to know if it was okay to bring up in front of Tom. He was a little unsure about Jared's reaction, and tried not to think that it had something to do with how Jared felt for Mike.

"Tom, why would you tell me this if - you don't want to do anything about it?" Jared leaned forward again, "why not just pretend it never happened, you don't feel any different and let things run their course?" Sure, he could just put Tom out of his misery but Jared felt like he owed Mike, should tell him first what had happened with Jensen.

"I..." Tom looked down at the bottle and back up at Jensen who just arched an eyebrow curiously, waiting to see what Tom would say. Tom pushed up from the couch, setting the beer on the table. "Because I do want to do something about it but I can't. I just thought maybe you would understand, or maybe even know if Mike still felt the same way. And it was stupid and foolish of me to come here. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be putting you in this place Jared, not with," he gestured halfway toward Jensen then dropped his hand awkwardly. "Well anyway, it's probably just best that I go."

Shooting up off the couch, Jared grabbed Tom's arm. "Tom, you know you can always talk to us - but I just think," he paused a few moments, "you should tell Mike, don't wait, don't miss out on time you could give each other if one of you was just brave enough to say how you felt." He reached up and squeezed Tom's shoulder, "what if Mike does still have feelings for you? Do you want to spend the rest of your life wondering?" His eyes flicked up over Tom's shoulder to Jensen's, green and still.

"No I don't want to spend forever wondering," Tom wet his lips. "But he's with you Jared and he's too good a guy to just..." He shrugged and wet his lips. "And you. I don't want you to be hurt. I know there's..." He bit his lip and darted a look toward Jensen then back at Jared.

Jensen cleared his throat and walked forward, letting his hand rest on Tom's shoulder. "Trust me Tom, it's better if you just tell him. You'll regret it if you don't." He stepped back and nudged Jared's shoulder with his own.

Tom's eyes widened slightly as he looked at them both. "Did he. Did you. Are you two?"

Jared couldn't help the slight smile that tugged at the corners of his mouth. "We've talked, Tom. Jensen, I told him how I felt. We haven't done anything because I want to speak to Mike first. He's a great guy and I really care about him so I owe him a face to face explanation." His fingers twitched at his side then he gave in and hooked his little finger around Jensen's. "I think we might give it a try."

A bright smile tugged on Tom's lips and he looked between the two. "Good. That's- that's really good. But you're right; you should talk to Mike first. And then, then I can talk to him." His smile softened and he stepped forward to wrap his arms around Jared, then Jensen. "I always thought you two might get here some day." He chuckled as he stepped back from Jensen. "I told you I was right."

Jensen rolled his eyes but grinned. "Yeah yeah, rub it in Welling."

Tom laughed and dragged a hand through his hair. "Jared? When you talk to Mike will you let me know?"

"Gladly," Jared said. Jared had a sneaking suspicion that things would work out really well for Tom if he were to ask Mike about his feelings. He'd certainly never gotten the sense from Mike that his feelings had changed; more like he too had learned how to live with them as Jared had.

"I will talk to him tomorrow," he glanced at Jensen out of the corner of his eyes, "I just hope he doesn't hate me."

"I don't think he'll hate you," Tom smiled. "Especially if you explain, you know, about Jensen and all. I think he'll be happy for you." He took a step toward the door. "I'm gonna go, but I'll talk to you tomorrow Jared."

"Drive safe," Jensen called as Tom headed for the door.

Jared's fingers threaded through Jensen's as he stood there staring at the door closing behind Tom. "Well, _that_ was interesting." He ran his other hand through his hair and flashed a crooked grin at Jensen, "holy shit."

"Yeah that was pretty out of the blue," Jensen nodded and stepped into Jared's side. "So wanna watch TV? And maybe um, cuddle?" He flushed brightly at the suggestion and stared down at the floor.

Jared let go of Jensen's hand long enough to wrap his arm around his shoulder. "I'd like that - yeah," he couldn't help leaning down and brushing his lips over Jensen's quickly. "I know, I shouldn't..."

Jensen breathed deeply and nodded, staring at Jared's lips for a moment before forcing himself to head toward the couch. "You're right, we shouldn't so. Yes. Couch." He laughed as he dropped onto the cushion and patted the spot next to him.

Dropping down on to the couch with a sigh, Jared grabbed Jensen and pulled him up against his chest. Tucking his hand in Jensen's back pocket he leaned back and wriggled around a bit until he was comfortable.

With a pleased sigh Jensen shifted in Jared's arms, finding the most comfortable position. They didn't turn on the TV, though neither really noticed. Instead they shared quiet conversation that drifted off into murmurs as everything from the last horrible week or awkward tension and uncomfortable moments caught up with them. Jensen didn't even notice he was drifting off to sleep until he woke in the middle of the night in Jared's arms. He could have gotten up and gone to his much bigger, much more comfortable bed, but he just snuggled further into Jared's body and drifted back off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

When Jensen woke in the morning his whole body was stiff from the awkward angle they'd slept in, but waking in Jared's arms was so very worth it, Jensen didn't really mind. He pushed up from the man's body, stretching arms high above his head and groaning loudly. Jensen took a moment to stare down at Jared's shirtless body, wetting his lips. Eyes darting up to ensure Jared was still sleeping, he bent down for a moment and pressed a soft kiss to the lowest part of Jared's abdomen. Jared's skin was warm and soft against his lips and Jensen let his eyes flutter closed, enjoying the touch for a long moment before pulling back.

There were a lot of ways to wake up in the morning, and Jared was a morning person so he liked most of them. The sensation of Jensen's lips, full, gentle on his skin was about the most perfect way he'd ever been woken up. Blinking his tired eyes he grabbed Jensen's hand as he pulled away and smiled. "Will you do that every morning?"

"Mm probably even more than that," Jensen smiled softly and dipped forward, stopping short with wide eyes. "Ugh okay, no kissing." He sighed and pulled back. "So you're talking to Mike today?" He wet his lips and dragged a hand up through his hair, dipping down to rub his neck.

"Yeah," Jared reached out and tugged on Jensen's arm pulling him closer so that he could slip his long fingers around his neck. Rubbing gently he leaned over so his lips were almost touching Jensen's ear. "What are you going to do today?" He breathed out, blowing softly across Jensen's ear and down his jaw, fingers digging into the tight muscles of his neck. The fingers of his free hand trailed softly down Jensen's arm.

A soft gasp fell from Jensen's lips and he tilted his head slightly, goose flesh sprinkling down along his neck. He swallowed thickly as his mouth worked to form words. "I uh. I'm, just gonna wait. Around. Go jogging maybe? Uh, read?" He wet his lips and leaned into Jared's body.

Jared's hand slipped off Jensen's arm and onto his chest, palm rubbing gently on the cool cotton of his shirt. His fingers slid in between the buttons and grazed over Jensen's warm flesh, smooth, amazing. Jared kept working his fingers into Jensen's muscles, feeling the other man relax under his touch. As he nuzzled into Jensen's hair, the tip of Jared's nose brushed against the sensitive flesh there and he smiled at the shudder that ran down the man's body. "Want to, maybe, go out with me later?"

"Uh huh," Jensen mumbled, eyes falling closed as he soaked in Jared's touches. He was about moments away from turning and pinning Jared to the couch, which really couldn't happen. He dragged his tongue across his lips and shifted slightly into Jared's hand along his chest. "Any idea what you'd like to do? Should I make us reservations somewhere?"

As the smile faded from his lips, Jared ran them softly down the shell of Jensen's ear. "I don't mind, we could," he licked Jensen's ear lobe and sucked it into his mouth from a moment before releasing it, "order in, maybe, watch a movie." Jensen's chest was firm, and Jared couldn't resist curling his fingers into the muscles there as his other hand carded up through the soft dirty blond curls.

"I'd be okay with that," Jensen nodded and shifted in Jared's touch, head tilting to the side to give Jared more room. His heart thudded heavily in his chest, heat pooling low in his stomach, and he couldn't help the slight moan that fell from his lips. "Jared," he breathed the man's name, latching on to his lower lip with a firm bite.

Shifting his hips back just a little, Jared's tongue darted out and he licked his way down the salty, sweet flesh of Jensen's neck. "Mmhmm?" He murmured fingers sliding down to rub the small of the other man's back.

Jensen cleared his throat and let his head fall to the side, wanting more even though he knew they should stop. "I should, shower. We shouldn't, you know," he mumbled the words and let his hand fall down on to Jared's thigh, squeezing the muscles roughly.

Jared swallowed, his breath stuttering in his chest. "M'not," he sucked Jensen's ear lobe back into his mouth, tonguing the warm flesh the pulling back, "kissing you." It was a whisper and ended up more like a soft moan of pleasure. "Jen," the muscle in his thigh clenched under Jensen's grip and Jared's eyes closed.

"I'm fully aware," Jensen gasped and slid his hand up, twisting it awkwardly to trail along Jared's chest. His fingers hovered for a moment over the man's nipple before he pinched it softly, rolling the sensitive nub between his forefinger and thumb. "But if we don't stop, then I can't," he wet his lips and leaned heavily against Jared's side.

"C..can't?" Jared's chest arched up into Jensen's touch, his hips twisting slightly as his hand slid down Jensen's back, fingers tucking under his waistband and sliding back and forth. He bit down hard on his bottom lip and fell back against the couch with a gasp of pleasure.

Jensen slid his hand back down Jared's chest, fingers dancing along the waist line. He desperately wanted to go lower, to press into the bulge of heat he knew was in between Jared's legs. "Can't guarantee what's going to happen," Jensen breathed and slid his fingers just an inch or two lower, tracing along the zipper.

Jared dragged his hand back across to Jensen's, threading their fingers together as he pushed Jensen's palm back up to his belly, moving their hands in small circles as his stomach muscles quivered. He rolled his head towards Jensen, pressing his lips against his shoulder and biting down on the material and the warm flesh underneath. As he trembled under Jensen's touch he slid both their hands under the waist band of his jeans, gasping, pushing Jensen's warm, rough palm further down.

"Jesus Jared," Jensen exhaled in a loud whoosh, tilting his head to the side to stare at Jared through blurry, lust hazed eyes. His chest rose and fell heavily as his fingers dipped lower and brushed across burning heat. He stared into Jared's eyes as he twisted his hand and ghosted his fingers just slightly across Jared's skin, stretching the waist band of the jeans as far as they would go.

A moan fell from Jared's lips, his hips rolled up into Jensen's touch and his hand slid further down the back of the other man's jeans. "We should..." he licked his lips and stared into Jensen's lust-blown eyes, "stop." Long fingers slid over the curve of Jensen's ass.

"We really should," Jensen agreed even as his fingers curled around Jared's length, dragging up slowly. He'd never touched another man in this way and the simple thrill of it was nearly intoxicating, adding to the fact that it was Jared and Jensen marvelled that he was managing to not tear off his clothing and explore him like he wanted to. Jensen could picture it in his mind and he inhaled sharply tugging his hand free from Jared's pants and sliding across the couch in one quick movement. "We have too. If we don't I'm gonna, and there's still- so..." He blinked rapidly to clear the haze from his eyes, letting his palm fall to his crotch and rub roughly, almost absent minded, just to take off some of the pressure against his zipper. The hand that had been down Jared's pants came up to rub along his face and when he breathed in he could smell the distinct musk of the man. This was definitely not helping.

When Jensen moved his hand away Jared felt all the breath leave his body. He smiled bleary-eyed at Jensen and then slid eel-like down the couch to the floor, rolling forwards and lying there face down with a loud, dramatic groan. He mumbled something incoherent into the carpet then rolled his head to the side, panting, "okay - I'm, uh, going to rest here for a minute then call Mike."

"Okay yeah," Jensen pushed up from the couch. "And I'm going to go take a shower. A cold shower." Jensen snorted and took a step back. "I'll uh, later..." he grinned before spinning and heading toward his room.

Jared ground his hips down against the floor, feeling like a sexed-up teenager again, laughed at himself then pushed up off the floor. He grabbed his phone off the coffee table and hit the contact, the searched out Mike's number and hit dial.

"Hey Jared," Mike answered happily. "What's going on?"

"Mike," Jared had been thinking about how to do this and had never gotten past the fact that he needed to talk to Mike in person. "Listen, can we get together this afternoon? I, I have something I really need to talk to you about." He waited, feeling the weight of the silence from the other end of the line.

"Uh, sure," Mike said slowly. "What time did you want me to come by?

"Can we just meet, maybe at the Starbuck's just up the street from Tom's?"

"Yeah no problem. In a couple of hours?"

"Sure - thanks Mike - I'll see you there, bye." He pushed end and pulled up another contact and started a text message.

 **Jared:** Tom- meeting Mike for coffee in two hours by StrBks by your place. Just in case u want to kno. :)

He was smiling when he threw his phone back on the coffee table and headed upstairs for a shower.

Mike saw Jared the moment he pulled the truck into the parking lot. He rose from the table he'd been waiting at, curling his fingers along the warm cup in his hand. Just from the look on Jared's face, and the way his words sounded earlier, he knew something was up. Only question was what it was. He stepped forward to greet the man as he came inside, smiled softly at him. "Hey Jare, what's up man?"

Jared slipped his arms around Mike and pulled him close, inhaling the familiar scent of his cologne. "S'good to see you, I’ll just grab a drink." Jared moved quickly out of Mike's arms and went over to order a blended coffee using his time lingering at the counter to think out what he should say. When he finally had his cool drink he walked back to Mike's table as he shoved the straw in. He sat down opposite Mike, smiling nervously and figured it was best to just get it all out as soon as possible. "Mike," he cleared his throat and fiddled with the lid on his drink. "I have some things I need to say to you, and," Jared reached over and grabbed Mike's hand, "I need you to let me get all the way through it." His smile grew a little weary, "I'm not all that brave ya see - and if I stop," he shrugged and looked up at Mike.

Wetting his lips, Mike considered Jared and nodded. "Okay, you just let me know when you're done." He smiled softly and waited for Jared to continue.

The last thing to go through Jared's mind was that Mike was too good to him. "You know how I felt about Jensen when you and I got together. You were so great to me, Mike; you just sort of opened up my world." A smile grew on his face, "you have always made me feel like I'm worth knowing, like I matter and you were there for me at one of those crazy moments in my life." He tilted his head and looked down at their hands. "I was _so_ sad and you were this spark of life."

He squeezed Mike's hand, "the thing is, Jensen, told me..." He swallowed, "Last night he told me that he loves me, Mike. And, I adore you - but I think I would regret if for the rest of my life if I didn't give him a chance." He squeezed his eyes shut, "please don't hate me, Mike. It would really suck if I lost your friendship over this - and I know that I really deserve you telling me to stick it up my ass but I wanted to tell you the truth." He sighed and opened his eyes, relieved he had actually managed to get through it without stuttering to a halt. He shrugged, pressed his lips together and waited.

A soft chuckle fell from his lips and Mike reached out to take Jared's hands squeezing softly. "I really appreciate your honesty Jared." He smiled and looked down for awhile before meeting Jared's eyes once more. "It's, I'm not gonna lie, I really like you and it sucks that we're not going to see how far this could go, but I know how much you love Jensen, and I understand that. I know if I were given the chance to be with Tom," He shrugged and bit his lip, thinking quietly for a moment before looking up. "So anyway, I'm gonna be sad to see you go, but I'd still very much like to remain your friend. Cause we had fun together and you're pretty awesome. Jensen's one lucky guy."

Jared lifted his head and smiled. "I feel like the lucky one," he squeezed Mike's fingers again. Mike's words rang back through Jared's mind, _if I were given the chance to be with Tom._

Mike opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by his phone ringing. He glanced down at the caller ID, frowning slightly. "It's Tom. Speak of the devil." He picked the device and flipped it open as he brought it to his ear. His eyes widened as Tom's voice drifted over the phone and he stared at Jared as he spoke, "Uh yeah. Sure. Okay. I'll be there in a few. No, I'm just talking to Jared, oh everything's okay. I'll talk to you in a bit." He bit his lip as he closed his phone and set it on the table. Mike stared at it for a moment before looking back up at Jared. "He wants me to stop by. It's been a rough couple of weeks for him you know, with Jamie leaving and all. You heard about that yeah?"

"I did - Jen told me, the other night - you think he'll be okay?" Jared smiled softly, his heart flooding with warmth for Mike and Tom.

"Hard to say," Mike smiled sadly. "I don't know about being the one he calls for comfort, last time that really didn't work out so well." He sipped from his coffee quietly.

"Well, you're a comforting guy," Jared smiled warmly, "I'm sure it will be alright." Jared knew it would be okay. "So, you need to head over there?"

Mike fidgeted with the cup and looked up at Jared with a shy smile. "Would you think me totally lame if I went running the moment Tom called?"

"Of course not, he needs you - you guys have been friends a long time." It was hard for Jared to hide how excited he was about Tom talking to Mike. "Get outta here." He grinned.

Smiling at Jared, Mike reached out and squeezed his hand. "Thanks Jared. We'll talk soon right? And you know, good luck. With Jensen and all." He pushed up from the chair and held out his arms. "One final hug for good measure?"

Jared pushed up off his chair and folded Mike into his arms, kissing him softly on the cheek. "Thanks for being such a good friend, Mike."

"It's my pleasure," Mike nodded and stepped back, half waving as he turned and headed for the door.

The drive back to the house seemed far longer than it ever had before. It shouldn't have felt any different, but there was some anxiety crawling into Jared's body as he got closer to the house. He was walking back in the door a single man - and - Jensen was single, and they hadn't even really spoken about anything of great import. There was, Jared had to be realistic, still a very real possibility that things wouldn't work out for them as a couple - he just had more confidence that they would stay friends than he'd had at the beginning of the week.

When he shut off the ignition in his truck he sat in the driveway for a few minutes, thinking, wanting to savour the hope he headed into the house with. A few weeks ago Jared was all optimism but he and Jensen had been through a lot lately. Jared had learned a lot about honesty and maybe even trust. Jensen though, Jensen was the one who would be making the real leap into the unknown. There were so many things they needed to discuss. He took a deep breath and headed into the house.

As he pushed the doors open the dogs raced toward him like usual, at least Jensen was still home or he would have put them out in the yard. "Jen?" He called out as he toed off his boots.

Jensen stared at himself in the hall mirror for a last moment, reaching up to thread his fingers through his hair. It wasn't behaving like he wanted it to, which made him feel silly because it was _Jared_ and it shouldn't matter how his hair looked. Only it did matter. So much so that he had gone out of his way to wear the pair of jeans that fit just snug enough to show off his ass, and the silky dark green button down that Jared said always brought out his eyes. He'd even spent extra time shaving - which he hardly ever did on the weekends - and splashed on just a dash of his best cologne.

When he heard Jared call his name his stomach twisted in excitement in nerves. A final glance to ensure he looked okay and Jensen headed out to the living room, stopping a few feet from Jared and smiling softly. "Hey, how did it go?"

Jared lost all his words when he looked up and saw Jensen. He cleared his throat, "wow, you, uh, look really good." He brushed his hair off his face nervously and scratched Sadie behind the ears.

"Thanks." Jensen blushed and shuffled his feet together, rubbing along the back of his neck. "You look good too. Of course you always look good." He grinned and stepped forward. "So things went well?"

Smiling, Jared nodded over to the couch and raised an eyebrow then padded over to sit down. He let out a long sigh and lay back on the couch, waiting for Jensen to sit down. "Mike was about the greatest guy on the planet about it - wished me luck with you. Then - Tom called him to come over." Jared lifted his arm and turned his wrist so he could see his watch. "Should be listening to Welling right now explain how he has feelings for him." He smiled and turned his head toward Jensen. "You know what one of the things was, that first made me realize, how I felt about you?"

Jensen shifted on the couch, tucking a leg under him as he turned to face Jared. He smiled softly as he reached out to tuck a strand of hair behind Jared's hair. "What?" He asked quietly, letting his fingers trail along Jared's face.

"The curls on the back of your head, when I would give you a massage, I would come up with every possible excuse to run my fingers through them." He smiled shyly, "I just realized, I guess, that wasn't something I should be thinking about if, you know - we were just best friends." He tilted his head to lean into Jensen's touch.

"I have curls on the back of my head?" Jensen chuckled and slid his hand around Jared's neck, bringing him in to rest their foreheads together. "So where do we go from here? You and I? I want, I'd like us to, I don't know, be boyfriends?" He blushed brightly at the words. "If that's okay with you."

Jared pulled back a little, hesitant. "Maybe, we should just take things a little slow Jen." He looked down at his hand, fingers slipping onto Jensen's arm and squeezing gently. He didn't want Jensen to feel like he had to rush into anything.

"Slow?" Jensen pulled his hand back and looked at Jared. "Dude, I had my hand down your pants this morning. I think the time for taking it slow is over." He chuckled softly, shaking his head. "We've been practically dating for years Jared, though we never realized it. I know _everything_ about you, maybe even more than I need to know. Only I don't know the part of you I'd really _like_ to know. So. I mean, unless it's something you really want, then I'd rather not take it any slower than it already has been."

Blinking, Jared thought for a few minutes, moving his fingers slowly on Jensen's arm. "Jen," he began softly, "you were straight until about five hours ago."

Jensen rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Jared, that really doesn't apply to you. I've been _Jared_ sexual for years, just never knew it. Doesn't mean I'm going to run out and make out with the next guy I see. I want _you_. Just so happens that you are male." He shrugged. "And again, hand down your pants. Does it look like I have some sort of complex?"

"I guess not," Jared turned on his side so he could see Jensen properly, "I just don't want you to regret anything."

Reaching out to lay his hand against Jared’s face, Jensen smiled softly. "Jay, I will never regret anything when it comes to you." He whispered the word and wet his lips. "I don't know what I can do to make you believe that, I suppose it'll be something you learn with time. This is going to be new for me, and yeah, it's something I've never experienced before. But it's you Jared, and that makes it all worthwhile."

Jared smiled and turned slightly to kiss Jensen's palm. "So, you're all dressed up," he leaned in and took a deep breath, "and you smell delicious, are we going out? Or." He ran his fingers down Jensen's shirt sleeve, " are we staying in?

"Mm staying in?" Jensen caught his lower lip between his teeth and looked at Jared with suddenly shy eyes. He picked at invisible lint on his jeans. "If you want too that is. I thought we could have a quiet dinner? Maybe even use the table."

Laughing softly, "in is fine - we could always just grill some burgers, get beers and sit on the couch." He nudged Jensen with his elbow.

"I'm fine with whatever you'd like to do," Jensen wet his lips and shifted on the couch. "So, you never did answer my question. Do you not want to be boyfriends?"

"Maybe we should have a first date before we decide that Jen." He grinned and leaned over to kiss Jensen's cheek.

Jensen chuckled softly as he shook his head. "You never cease to surprise me Jared, really." He pushed up. "Alright, first date it is. But if we're making it all official and stuff we're going out to dinner. So go get dressed and what not. I'll meet you down here in about an hour."

"Okay," he pushed up off the couch, "but I hope you're fully prepared for the full effect of me being dressed up!" He darted out of the room and raced upstairs to

Jared got into the shower, a smile still plastered on his face. He used the shampoo Jensen liked the smell of, and rolled his eyes when he realized that he even knew which shampoo that was. Towelling off his hair he pulled his closet door open and had a look through his clothes. He smiled when he saw the black linen slacks he's worn to the last studio party they went to so he pulled them out and tossed them on the end of the bed. It took him a while to find his slate grey button down shirt but he knew it would look good. His hair was easy - Jared just ran his fingers through it, he knew that Jensen would touch his hair and didn't want it to be stiff with gel. He found himself grinning again, and realized he was happy.

He slipped into the dress slacks, even had a look in the mirror at his ass. The slacks fit perfectly, hugging the curves at the top of his ass them falling straight to the floor. Jared even decided to pull out his black boots instead of the brown ones he wore every day - and once he had the shirt on he was pretty satisfied with the overall look. Smiling, he took a last look in the mirror then headed downstairs to where he knew Jensen would be waiting.

He poked his head around the corner into the living room. "Hey Jen." Suddenly feeling a little shy he stepped around the corner slowly, peering at Jensen through his bangs.

Jensen swallowed thickly as his eyes scanned over Jared's form. "Damn. You look, fantastic." He was distinctly glad he'd thought to change into nicer pants. "I called ahead and made us some reservations; hope Italian food sounds good to you." He smiled softly and held out his hand. "Ready to go?"

"Ready," Jared threaded his fingers through Jensen's. They were _really_ going to do this.

Both boys were so used to being together, going on an official date was almost, normal. They were just dressed a little nicer and went to somewhere much fancier than usual. For the first part of the drive Jensen allowed himself to be slightly nervous, until Jared reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it tightly. Jensen beamed over at him and the tone of the evening was set.

They shared warm conversation as they waited for the dinners, speculating - as they occasionally did - some of the things that might happen to the brother's over the season. Then shifting into discussion over how things might be working out between Tom and Mike. Jensen suggested giving them a call until Jared pointed out they were likely to be otherwise occupied. This had both the boys chuckling for awhile until their food arrived.

As far as first dates went, Jensen considered this one a fantastic success. It felt so natural taking this step with Jared, Jensen wondered why they had waited so long in the first time. After they'd eaten Jensen considered taking Jared for a walk along the lake or something but then Jared sucked on his spoon in a way that had heat pooling in the bit of his belly and Jensen signalled for the check.

Once they were in the car he turned to Jared and pulled him close, brushing their lips together softly. "Is it okay if we go home now?" He smiled shyly, releasing Jared and falling back into the driver's side.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired." He winked at Jensen's shocked expression and laughed when Jensen punched him in the shoulder.

"Asshat," Jensen snorted as he stirred the truck toward their home. He drummed his fingers along the steering wheel as they went, humming to the song on the radio. "Did you enjoy your food?"

"It was really good," Jared reached out and slid his hand over Jensen's leg, fingers curling down over his inner thigh. "How about you?" He slipped his hand further up Jensen's thigh, massaging gently.

Jensen smiled over at Jared as they build up to a red light, letting his fingers dance across the man's hand before the light turned green. "Yeah it was delicious." He brought both hands back to the wheel as they continued through the town. Excitement was building rapidly up in him the closer they got to their house. He wanted to kiss Jared until neither of them could breathe. And then he wanted to do a lot of other things with him. His foot fell a little harder of the gas pedal and he swallowed thickly.

They stayed in comfortable silence until they build up to their house. Jensen beamed at Jared as he slipped the keys out of the ignition and pushed the door open. He waited until Jared fell into step beside him before heading toward the front door, reaching out to thread their fingers together.

"It's like we did all this the wrong way around," Jared said as Jensen unlocked the door, "we met, became co-workers, moved in together, became best friends, fell in, well, and had a first date." He blushed and pushed past Jensen to walk through the house to the back door and let the dogs in. Naturally they went barrelling past Jared to greet Jensen.

Jensen laughed as he knelt to greet the dogs, looking up at Jared with a warm smile. "Sometimes things just work in weird ways huh?" He pushed up and stepped toward Jared, hanging back to watch Jared greet his dogs as well. Once Sadie and Harley were properly distracted by their food, Jensen stepped closer and reached out to grasp Jared's hand softly. "I love you Jared, in case I haven't officially said it yet."

The words sent a thrill through Jared's body. "No, you hadn't said that yet." He grinned. "So." He wandered into the living room. He was nervous, worried, elated and if he threw any other emotions into the mix he wasn't sure he'd be able to stand it, "what now?"

Wetting his lips, Jensen followed Jared. "Hmm, guess it's up to you. I'm, I would like to kiss you and maybe revisit our, situation from this morning, but if you would prefer we wait." Jensen rubbed along the back of his neck and shrugged.

Jared sat down on the couch and patted the couch beside him.

Smiling softly Jensen walked to the couch and sat beside Jared, turning slightly to look at him with a curious arched eyebrow.

Jared looked down at his hands, clasped in his lap. "I'm terrified.

The smile fell from Jensen's lips and he watched Jared's profile. "Of what? Me?"

"Us," Jared's eyes were fixed on his fingers, "I know that we've said all the right things- but I’ve wanted this for so long." He turned to face Jensen looking into his eyes, "but I want you to know -that I would rather never have, this," he gestured between them with his hand, "if it means I have to lose your friendship. You know that right?"

Swallowing thickly, Jensen nodded. "Yeah Jay, I know that. And I agree but, I can't stand the idea of us never giving it a try." He reached out and took Jared's hand, holding it between his. "There's always this point in a new relationship. I know it's different because it's you and me but, I don't know, I don't think I could just continue being friends knowing we both feel this way, not without us trying. Do you not want too?"

"I want to try, more than I've ever wanted anything." He leaned over and kissed the corner of Jensen's mouth. "I just wanted you to know, I was scared, you know, in case I do anything - you know – Jared-like that makes you doubt me." He smiled and leaned his forehead against Jensen's shoulder.

Jensen fell into silence for awhile, wrapping his arm around Jared and holding him close. Finally he whispered, "I'm terrified too. That I won't be good enough. That I'll drive you away like I have everyone else. I'm terrified of a life without you."

Jared laughed and reached up to press a soft kiss to Jensen's cheek, "I'm pretty tough to get rid of." He rolled, flipping a leg over Jensen's thighs and slid over to straddle the other man's thighs. Rolling his hips slightly, Jared got comfortable, "is this okay?" He pressed his palms flat against Jensen's chest, fingers curling into the firm muscle.

The sudden heat that sank into his thighs was intoxicating and Jensen nodded quickly. "Yeah, more than okay." He breathed, looking up into Jared's eyes. His hands trailed up Jared's chest, circling around the man's neck and bringing him down until their foreheads rested together, breaths mingling together in the few inches that separated their lips.

Smiling, Jared curled his hands over Jensen's shoulder and ducked down to brush his lips back and forth across the other man's shoulder. He shivered, chuckled, then pulled back to stare into his best friend's eyes. "I love you too," he said and let his body fall into Jensen's, sucking the other man's bottom lip into his mouth and moaning. It tasted as good as it looked. He sucked the warm flesh into his mouth and played his tongue across it then crushed his mouth against Jensen's as he slid his hips closer to Jensen's.

Though it wasn't technically their first kiss, Jensen decided to think of it as their first _officially_ and he took his time exploring the inside crevices of the man's mouth. The taste of pasta and marinara sauce still lingered but Jensen thought he tasted something distinctly Jared. His moan traveled between them as Jared's hips moved in and Jensen let his hands slid down his best friend's back, dipping under the hem of the shirt to rest against burning flesh. After a few minutes of tongues and lips he pulled back centimetres and whispered into Jared's mouth, "I don't want to do anything unless we are something. I know it's silly but, I want that."

"So," Jared breathed against Jensen's lips, "you're telling me that unless I agree," he licked a trail up Jensen's jaw and whispered into his ear, "to be your _boyfriend_ ," Jared latched onto Jensen's neck just below his ear and sucked hard, feeling the blood warm the surface of the skin then letting go, "you won’t let us do anything?" He sat back a little, finding Jensen's jade green eyes once more.

Panting softly, Jensen met Jared's eyes, "I..." He fumbled over the thoughts in his mind before clearing his throat and trying again. "At least a promise, or some sort of reassurance, that this isn't just going to be tonight. That tomorrow morning you won't freak out and decide it's best to just stay friends." He wet his lips and dropped his eyes to Jared's shirt, considering reaching out and working at the buttons but not letting himself move.

Jared's fingers moved to his shirt front and he started at the top unbuttoning it, fingers moving slowly, eyes still locked with Jensen's. When he reached the last button he undid it and let his shirt fall open. He shuffled forward and rocked his trapped cock up against the front of his friend's jeans. Leaning forward Jared ghosted his lips over Jensen's forehead, down his nose, across his cheek. "You telling me you could stop if I don't agree to that?" His tongue darted out, pushing into Jensen's mouth, exploring, running along his smooth white teeth.

Jensen mumbled something unintelligible into the kiss and pulled back, panting softly. "No," he breathed before dipping in, and letting their lips crash together again. Warm hands slid up Jared's chest, tracing the curve of muscle and flesh until he reached the shoulder and pushed the shirt off. He rocked his own hips on the couch, desperate for more contact against the burning heat in his crotch. Jensen pulled his lips back enough to sink his teeth into Jared's lower lip, pulling it back with him and letting it go with a smack of his lips. His own shaky hands fell to his shirt front, working quick and fumbling at the buttons to get his flesh against Jared's.

Jared's hands moved over Jensen's, taking over the task of unbuttoning his shirt. When he was finished he slid Jensen's shirt off his chest and tugged it down his shoulders. His hands moved over the smooth freckled skin. "Freckles," he murmured and leaned in to kiss Jensen's bottom lip softly. "I would love to wake up tomorrow morning and be your _boyfriend_."

The word alone has Jensen rocking forward once more in anticipation. "Up." He said quietly, pushing at Jared's shoulders. They need to be off this couch, on a bed and preferably naked as quickly as possible. Jensen wanted to explore every inch of Jared's body with his lips and tongue. When Jared stood he followed suit, curling his fingers around Jared's wrist and tugging him toward his bedroom.

Stumbling along behind Jensen, Jared laughed softly. "I guess that was the magic word," he let himself be pulled into the bedroom.

"It was gonna happen sooner rather than later," Jensen chuckled and pushed the door closed once Jared was inside, slamming him up against the hard wood surface and latching his lips to Jared's neck. He trailed bites and licks along Jared's collar bone, down to his nipple which he sucked in and flicked his tongue over before catching the firm nub between his teeth. Still shaking hands made quick work of the buttons and fly along Jared's dress pants, pushing down roughly once they were unfastened. A soft moan fell from his lips as he let his palm cup Jared through his boxers, rubbing firmly.

"Jesus _Christ_ ," Jared's voice was rough, his head thumped back against the door as he arched his body forward into Jensen's hand. "Jen..." Jared's hands slid under Jensen's shirt, moving along his ribs and sliding down to cup his ass through his jeans. "Jen, if you," he moaned and let his head roll to the side. "Keep that up..." his breath hitched as Jensen's hand pressed harder.

"You gonna come in your boxers Jared?" Jensen asked with a husky voice, thrilled by the very idea. He stepped back though, releasing Jared and shrugging his shirt off his shoulders, catching it in his hands and tossing it to the chair by his desk. His hands fall to the waist band of his own slacks and begin work on the buttons, stepping back more and smirking at Jared. He stopped a few feet away, sliding the material off his waist along with his boxers and digging his toes into his socks to pull them off. He's never been more happy that taking his shoes off at the door was such a habit.

Leaning against the door, Jared watched as Jensen's body was slowly revealed to him, the firm chest, his ripped abs, then Jared had to force himself to start breathing again when he saw hips, and Jensen's already rigid shaft. Jared sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and fumbled with his pants pushing them the rest of the way off. He bent quickly and tucked his fingers into his socks and pulled them off each foot with his pant legs. When he straightened he walked towards Jensen as he shrugged his shirt off his shoulders.

Jared walked straight at Jensen, shoving his chest hard and knocking him back on to the bed, he crawled up over his body and lay down beside him, one leg thrown over the other man. He grabbed a handful of Jensen's hair and tugged his head to the side to crush their mouths together, forcing his tongue in Jensen's mouth as his hand slid down over his belly and circled the base of his hard shaft. He squeezed gently, and then dragged his finger through the rough curls of hair before dragging his hand back up over Jensen's belly again.

The jolt of pleasure that shot through him was intoxicating and Jensen arched his hips even after Jared's hand was moving up once more. He half moaned, half whimpered through Jared's kiss, thrusting his tongue against Jared's where it slid across and over. Jensen worked his fingers under the elastic of Jared's boxers, tugging down as far as he could reach. He pressed up against Jared's leg over him, shoving hard to flip Jared over and slid above him. He yanked his lips from Jared's and smirked. "Pinned ya." He grinned, Texan drawl layered thick over his words with his rising lust. When he rocked his hips slightly their cocks slid together and he hissed, dropping down for another hard, tongue thrusting kiss.

Tearing his mouth away from Jensen's, Jared mumbled, "I let you," right before he sank his teeth into Jensen's collar bone, nipping and licking his way down the man's shoulder. His hands moved up and down Jensen's sides as he struggled to wriggle out of his boxers, wanting _all_ of their flesh touching, sliding. He rolled his hips up hard into Jensen's, legs shaking with the strain, hands sliding down over Jensen's ribs to settle on the gentle curve of his ass.

Jensen snorted, "Sure you did." He grinned and rolled his hips into the arch of Jared's. It hit him quite suddenly that he wasn't very certain what was supposed to come next. His grin shifted to a slight frown and he blushed brightly, looking down at Jared before looking away. "So uh, what are we, what do you want?" He caught his lower lip between his teeth and let his cock slide against Jared's once more with a slight groan.

Jared slipped his hand up over Jensen's cheek and he turned his head back so their eyes could meet again, "just do what feels good, there's no rush," he rubbed his thumb over Jensen's freckled cheek. "We could do this," his hips rolled up seductively, sliding their cocks together as he leaned in and nipped Jensen's lip, "or we can just, you know," his eyes were wide in the dimly lit room, "get to know each other a bit." His fingers dug into Jensen's ass, massaging the firm muscles gently, "or we can kiss until we fall asleep." He smiled at his friend as he watched the frown disappear from Jensen's face, "whatever you want."

"Not gonna be able to sleep until I get some sort of relief," Jensen grinned and met the roll of Jared's hips. "I like this. Feels good." He shifted forward slightly to let his flesh drag across Jared's and moaned. His heart thudded heavily in his chest and he pressed gentle kisses along Jared's chest. "Would like more though, getting to know each other." He whispered against Jared's skin, biting softly.

Smiling, Jared's finger threaded through Jensen's short hair down over his neck and settled on his shoulders. Long fingers curled over Jensen's shoulders, kneading the muscles as he bent his knee to grind his thigh up against Jensen's hard length. Jared marvelled at the way Jensen's body was all lines and curves - and everything fit against Jared's body perfectly. Desire spiralled through Jared's body and he pressed Jensen down harder against his chest, loving the feel of their sweat damp skin as they moved together.

Jensen pressed against Jared, feeling the tension mounting in him. A whispered moan repeatedly echoed from his lips and he threaded his fingers up in Jared's hair, curling tightly around the silky locks. It was too much and not enough and a dozen other clichés that Jensen brain was too over stimulated to come up with. "Jared," he gasped at another delicious slide of their bodies, picking speed for more friction.

Tugging Jensen up roughly Jared slammed their mouths together again; every time Jensen said his name his cock ached and his breath hitched in his chest. He'd never been so turned on, wanted someone so much; mostly he wanted to make Jensen feel good, wanted him to cry out, come, and say his name. He groaned as his thoughts made his hips snap upwards into Jensen's, sliding their cocks together and sending shockwaves of pleasure through Jared's body. Pushing up he rolled them to their sides and dragged his finger nails down Jensen's chest, stomach then curled his fingers around the base of his cock. Slipping his hand up and down the hard shaft slowly, teasingly, he licked Jensen's lips until they opened for him.

Moaning into the kiss, Jensen jerked his hips up into Jared's touch and let his own hand slide along the man's arm. He wanted to touch Jared just as badly and with of shifting he managed to work his arm around Jared's just enough to curl shaking fingers around Jared's thick length. When Jared's hand slid up he repeated the action, thumbing the slit just seconds after Jared. He let his tongue sweep across Jared's for another minute before he pulled back and inhaled sharply, eyes meeting Jared's. "Shit Jared," he moaned, hips jerking. His heart was racing so fast Jensen thought it might burst out of his chest at any moment.

"Fuck." Jensen's eyes were gorgeous, Jared could barely see the green, and they were almost black with lust. Straining forward Jared leaned in to the other man's neck, burying his face in the smell of sweat and cologne and Jensen. He mouthed the sensitive flesh matching the rhythm of their hands working each other's cocks; it felt so good, Jared could feel heat trickling through his body from where it started deep in his belly. Jared moved his free arm out from under his head and fumbled blindly until he found Jensen’s hand. He threaded their fingers together as their bodies moved against one another's. It was crazy how good it felt to touch Jensen, hold his hard shaft in his hand, and feel the slick wetness of his pre-come as he brushed his thumb over the weeping head of his cock. He twisted his hand gently, tugging Jensen closer and closer to release.

"Not gonna last." Jensen grunted as his hand picked up speed, eyes falling closed. His hips moved almost out of his control up into Jared's touch. Every part of his body was tingling, so close to spilling over the edge. His head nudged against Jared's until the man met his lips. Just as Jensen thrust his tongue hard into Jared's mouth his orgasm shot through him blindingly. He moaned around Jared's tongue as his hips jerked up, fingers squeezing and tugging at Jared's cock to urge him to come along with him. Jensen wrenched his mouth back and moaned the man's name low and long.

The way Jensen's body writhed and slid against his was too much, the kiss, the moan from Jensen - everything - conspired against Jared he cried out wordlessly. His fingers tightened on Jensen's as he came, cock throbbing hard, warm and wet and slick and they continued to slide against one another. Jared sucked Jensen's tongue deep into his mouth as he rode out his pleasure, shuddering against Jensen's chest hand finally slipping off the other man's shaft and curling tenderly over his hip bone.

Jensen sucked in deep breaths; forehead falling against Jared's as his chest rose and fell heavily. His hand was wet and sticky with Jared's come and both their upper bodies and the bed sheets were equally covered but it was the most delicious thing Jensen had ever experienced. Leaning in slightly he ghosted soft kisses along Jared's lips, a blissful sigh falling from his lips. "Love you." He murmured quietly against the soft silk of Jared's mouth.

Grinning against his _boyfriend's_ mouth, Jared ran his tongue along Jensen's bottom lip, "I love you." He pulled Jensen closer. "Good thing we have another bed upstairs," he murmured.

Chuckling softly, Jensen nodded. "Definitely and once I think I can feel my legs again, we'll head up there." He sighed happily and curled his arm around Jared, holding him close. There was no where better he could imagine being and every part of him seemed to thrum with something whole and complete. Jensen dropped another kiss to Jared's lips and grinned. "Best date ever."


End file.
